


Yours

by LiinHaglund



Series: Possessive Pronouns [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Breastfeeding, Canon? What Canon?, Cultural Differences, Explicit Language, Jotunn | Frost Giant, Jötunheimr | Jotunheim, Jötunn Loki, Kings & Queens, Laufey Is A Trickster, Laufey's Good Parenting, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Magic, Magic-Users, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Odin's Parenting, Out of Character, Political Alliances, Racism, Royalty, Sif is not a bitch, Svartálfar | Svartalfar | Black Elves, Unplanned Pregnancy, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 01:17:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiinHaglund/pseuds/LiinHaglund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki gets his heritage confirmed, and while he plans to go back to Asgard he's starting to like Jotunheim. Despite being alone and at the mercy of the royal family. Despite not feeling like he fits in. Perhaps, though, he's better off fitting in poorly on Jotunheim than not at all on Asgard. </p><p>Thor isn't about to let his little brother rot in a frozen wasteland. He's going to rescue him, before the monsters hurt him. Never mind that this act may very well bury the peace treaty in an unmarked grave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where Is Your Home If You Have None?

**Author's Note:**

> This is part two of a series and follows "Mine" - you are recommended to read that one first. 
> 
> This isn't suitable for children, weak-minded bigots, nor people who crave a diet of rainbows and puppy dogs.

In what was likely one of his dumber ideas, Loki had ran off with a bunch of Frost Giants. The teleportation spell was different from traveling with the Bifrost. Farbauti's spell felt more natural, which was nice because the first time Loki had traveled with the Bifrost he had thrown up for nearly an hour straight. He had of course gotten used to the damned sparkly rainbow-thing later on. Thor never had any problems like that, but Thor was not a Frost Giant. Loki was.

They had ended up outdoors in an area surrounded by steaming hot springs – seemingly in the middle of nowhere. There was an abundance of plant life since the ice and snow was kept at bay by the heat. Loki marveled a little at seeing any greenery on Jotunheim, even though there was no leaves or grass to be seen. The moss was similar enough to grass anyway. Loki poked a plant that reached his waist in height, some type of pine tree or bush.

The chill perked Loki up a little. He felt in way over his head, but he also felt an instinctual appreciation for Jotunheim and her climate.

“Welcome home, my son,” Farbauti said smoothly.

Loki looked suspiciously at her. He could not be _theirs_. Could he? If he was, then he had fucked his dad. Awkward, but he found it was not the most embarrassing thing he had done in his life. Also Laufey must have known before he did, which frankly made Jotun culture seem even more weird.

It might have embarrassed him more had it not brought more important matters to mind. If Odin had taken him knowing about his heritage then Loki's life was not just a lie because he had never been told about which species he belonged to. No, if Odin had taken a throne heir to raise as his own, this was all about politics. And that stung.

“Going to kill me now?” Loki asked instead of going down more emotional routes. Death he could handle.

Farbauti scoffed. “Do not be so ridiculous. I brought you here to make sure you _do not_ drop dead. I have rarely seen someone as thin as you. I am surprised you are this alert to be honest. If I had wanted you dead I would have done it in front of Asgard's court.”

“Well that makes me feel better,” Loki mumbled. He missed Helblindi's hand on his shoulder, but the giant was busy uncovering an opening to the cave system. It was hidden behind a few rocks, each looking heavy enough that anyone who was not a giant would have trouble moving it. Helblindi treated them like they weighed little more than a small bundle of cloth each.

“What was the thing with Thor?” Helblindi asked. “Tall he may be, but he is not one of us.”

“I put blue dye in his soap ages ago. Apparently he washes twice a year, so it took a while for him to figure it out,” Loki answered. He moved on to study a yellow flower growing near the water.

“Careful, those are poisonous,” Laufey warned quietly. “Pretty, but not food.”

“That is all it takes to fool Aesir?” Helblindi asked almost at the same time.

Loki stepped away from the flowers. “Not really, it was more of a prank, but I find that a bit of mockery will keep his ego from swelling out of proportion.”

Helblindi snickered like it was the best thing he had heard this year. “Ah, Asgard. Never was very friendly to us.”

“What is up with the kidnapping? Because, believe it or not, this could come back and bite you all in the ass.” Not to mention him. It would bite _him_ in the ass because he had damned well walked into this _willingly_. For some reason. He would be lucky to avoid being tried for treason when he returned to Asgard.

“To prevent trouble,” Laufey said, “and we really do need to fatten you up.”

Farbauti made a purring kind of chuckle and shook her hair away from her face. And her breasts. Loki pointedly did not look, focusing on her red eyes instead. “People are talking. Even in Aesir form you resemble my family. You know nothing about us, about your heritage, and I will not allow that old fool Odin teach you any more falsities about us.” She toyed with a strand of hair while she talked. “I will be nice enough to not force you to join the family. If you do not want anything to do with us after we have taught you about our ways, you are free to make that choice.”

“Truly, you are most gracious. I cannot exactly go back and pretend everything is normal -”

Laufey pulled him into a hug.

“Odin and Frigga _will_ take you back. Of course they will. You are an heir to Jotunheim's throne,” Farbauti said, calm as new snow, but with a cruel hiss in her voice. “Any child of mine will be eligible to take the throne. I am sure they had some sort of similar reason for taking you the first time.”

“Our society is a matriarchy,” Laufey said softly. “Men can rule, but women are revered. It is her offspring that are the throne heirs, not mine.”

“You will not come to harm here, Loki,” Farbauti said, voice not quite to hard anymore.

They moved into the tunnel and Loki followed reluctantly. He should turn around, run, and go back to Asgard. The quicker he did the easier it would be to make Odin allow him back. He had embarrassed the royal family in front of a full court, and he did not look forward to all the groveling he would be forced to do once he got back.

Helblindi replaced some of the rocks behind them, sealing them in. He placed a hand on the small of Loki's back so that he followed close behind Laufey and Farbauti. It hit home then, that he did not know these giants. Did not know their society. Did not know the culture beyond the bare basics. He forced himself to act calm, to show nothing on the surface, but his stomach felt filled with dread.

They were in a part of the cave he had not seen yet. The very rock itself seemed different. It was smoother too, not as roughly cut.

“Is this the same cave?” Loki asked. He probably acted like an awestruck child – yet again – but exploring a new realm was fascinating. Especially with semi-friendly guides. When he had learned magic he had spent a lot of time with the Light Elves, and he had felt at peace there like he never did when he accompanied Thor on his mindless quests for glory. It was the same on Jotunheim in a way. Minus the pure terror of _why_ he was there.

“No,” Laufey answered. “The other one was the big communal one. It is where we hold audiences, where people gather and the outcasts take shelter. You take a room for the day if you need to sleep there. This is ours. My family has lived here for a long time, though there used to be a building on the surface.”

“Are you going to tell me why clothes are not a thing here?”

“Are you cold?” Laufey asked with a sigh. “No? Curious, huh? Imagine if we did not need clothes at all?”

“I like clothes.”

“As skinny as you are you probably should hide your body until we have fattened you up,” Farbauti muttered. “If you do go back I will have words with that Vanir witch who reared you.”

“Witch? You want to talk witchcraft?” Loki snapped because it seemed an odd choice in term for a female mage to use such a negative word. It was a bit like peeing into the wind.

Farbauti turned towards him and smirked haughtily. “Oh, I would be _very_ qualified to, Loki,” she boasted before continuing to look forward. “Your second mother is a sore spot, then?”

“You do realize that I have no memory of you, do you not?” He was not overly protective about Frigga, but he was used acting like he was. She pretended to be the perfect mother and wife and Loki played into it. They all played into it. It made the rulers of Asgard look more benign than they were.

“I will concede your point. You were just a baby,” Farbauti hummed. “You are more Odin's than mine by now, and should you take the throne my people would be little more than puppets under Asgard's thumb. It is cause for concern among the people here. Blood or no, law or no, you are not one of us.”

The long walk down the tunnel ended in a large open room. Helblindi indicated that he should remove his boots. Loki followed the example of the other three and washed his feet and hands. He did nothing to stop Helblindi from removing the thicker leather pieces he usually wore in court. They had done this before, it felt safe enough.

Farbauti and Laufey had already sat down in a nest. Bed. Whatever those all-in-one things were called.

“Sit,” Farbauti indicated a spot in front of them. Loki obediently sat down. There was enough space in the nest that they were close, but not overwhelmingly so. Helblindi slouched down on his side. Sometimes he reminded Loki of Thor, not a care in the world, other times he saw him as what Thor could be in a few centuries.

Helblindi was his brother. Or, half-brother he supposed.

“How are you so sure I am yours?” Loki asked. Embarrassingly enough he still had some trouble telling similar Jotuns apart. They mostly all looked the same.

Farbauti allowed a finger to follow the lines on her own face, which made Loki feel blatantly stupid. Of course. “You were marked with magic. It is Laufey's lines and mine combined. Even if it was just a coincidence that you look like us, I can tell it was my magic that made those lines. You know how that goes, you use magic yourself. There is also the fact that there have been few missing. Ours was the only baby gone. I was the only one pregnant when the fighting began.”

Loki mulled it over. He really just wanted to scream.

“It is a lot to take in,” Laufey said softly, picking up on his mood. “We understand that you need time to settle into everything. It is weird for us as well. We had to assume you were dead when we could not find you, but I am very glad you are not.”

“It was a bit of a shock, but nowhere near the one you had,” Helblindi said.

Loki nodded. Finding out he was Jotun had turned everything upside down for him, he squirmed. “It still does not always feel real. Almost like I am in someone else's body.”

“You are taking it well, all things considered,” Laufey said. He reached out and briefly stroked Loki's hair.

“Tell us about your life,” Farbauti demanded gently, reaching a hand out to stroke his cheek. It felt nice, but also odd since he was wary of her. She pulled her hand back before it became too much for him. “No need to spill any of Asgard's secrets, just tell us about yourself. I am sure you would like to hear about us, and you will, but for now I would like to get to know my lost child.”

“I honestly do not know where to start.” His head was going in a million different directions, and at the same time it felt like he could barely think at all. He wanted to run home, he wanted to stay, he wanted to cry, he wanted to deny everything and live in ignorance. Ignorance sounded brilliant.

“Start with that mother of yours,” Farbauti suggested.

Loki sighed. He could understand Farbauti's dislike of Frigga, but he also did not appreciate it. Frigga was not perfect, but she had been the better of them. “She is a good mother. I was sick a lot. Frigga sat with me and told me stories or explained how magic worked when she ran out of tales.”

“Why were you sick?” Helblindi asked.

“Could not stand the heat, I guess. Thor claims I am allergic to sunshine. As soon as spring came I would overheat a lot when we played outdoors. He cannot stand the cold, so we never thought much of it. We were different, we always knew that.” Loki fiddled with his clothes. “I never talk about myself.”

There was never a need to. No one was interested in a second prince, he was just the spare. He was Thor's little brother, the one who liked boring books better than fighting.

“More likely the food,” Laufey said. “Some spices and whatnots are mildly toxic to us. Or perhaps the pollen from flowers.”

Loki frowned, but nodded. It made sense.

“Why green?” Laufey asked.

“I like green,” Loki answered, but he felt a chill run up his spine. “I never thought about it.”

“Funny,” Laufey smirked, “since it is our family color.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” Farbauti confirmed. “ _Leaf_ over there is telling the truth.”

“That is...” Loki frowned. “Why would Odin ever have allowed -”

“Makes you wonder, does it not?” Laufey smirked again.

Loki chewed his lower lip. It did.

“Can you handle one more surprise today?” Farbauti asked. “I do realize none of this has been easy for you.”

When Loki shrugged, because today would go down as one of the worst days either way, she whistled. A young child rushed in and hugged Farbauti, Laufey and Helblindi in order. Helblindi held on to him before he could get to Loki. He looked a lot like Loki, if he had been in his Jotun form as a child. It was perhaps more proof than he had wanted.

“This him?” the boy asked excitedly.

“Byleist,” Farbauti said in a tone of voice that indicated the boy should listen closely, “calm down. Yes, this is Loki. He was raised in Asgard, so do not scare him by being too touchy. They are different there.”

The boy, Byleist, grinned at Loki. Helblindi had him in a tight grip, but Loki could tell Byleist was in no danger of being hurt. Not just because Helblindi seemed to be a gentle soul, but because the way he held the younger Jotun was more reminiscent of how parents held their children.

“Loki,” Farbauti said calmly, “this is your youngest brother by blood. I am sure you already know Helblindi is your half-brother.”

“Hello,” Loki greeted the young boy politely.

“You look normal,” Byleist said it more as a question than a statement. “They said you would look like the Aesir.”

Loki shifted to his Aesir shape then, which made Byleist look at him curiously.

“There will be a declaration tomorrow,” Laufey said while Byleist stared at Loki. “We will name you our child in front of the others. This will mean nothing to your standing here. While we are willing to accept you back into our family, the fact that you were raised by Odin will make it neigh impossible for us to give you any sort of power within the court until you have proven yourself to the people.”

No. He wanted to be away by tomorrow. Back home. In Asgard. “I would rather not rush -”

“There is no choice in this, Loki,” Laufey interrupted, but his voice was not scolding as much as it was pleading for understanding. “If we do not do this you will never have safe passage here. You will never come and go as you please. If we allow the public to think what they will, they will assume you are up to one of you tricks and you will be sent back to Odin. More or less alive. I am not going to risk having you harmed.”

Loki nodded that he understood, but his plans involved leaving, and soon.

“Trust me,” Farbauti said quietly, “as much as I love the child I lost, and as much as I want to have that boy back, you and him are very different. You are a child of two worlds. It would be unfair of us to expect you to take up responsibilities here until you have found your path in life. It would also be unfair to ask the people to trust you. Doing this will help in the long run, even if showing you off so early will not be easy.”

Loki looked down on his hands. His Aesir hands. He truly did not envy them their position, but he had a life in Asgard. What did he care about Jotunheim's court? What did he care about these giants? Would they let him leave? “And when I do know what I want?”

Laufey chuckled. “If it benefits us and the people we rule, we will help you. It is what parents do.”

Byleist got away from Helblindi and hugged Loki tight, but the speed of his approach made them topple over. He hugged Byleist back. In his Aesir shape Byleist was just a little shorter.

“This is weird,” Loki said, referring to everything.

Helblindi nodded. “It must be.”

“Why, though? Why bother? I get that you all miss what you lost. I do. That will just never be me.”

Even if he wanted that to be him. They seemed like a nice family, and he really did want to get to know them. Especially his siblings, but he also already knew that he liked Laufey. Farbauti he was unsure of, but she seemed sincere. Young and quick to temper, maybe, but there were no lies.

“It is you,” Farbauti said. “You are of my blood, you are my child, and growing up away from us does not change those things. Here we speak of second and first families. We will always be your first family, your blood family. You second family is in Asgard. It is alright to have two.”

Oh, but Odin and Frigga would argue differently.

Byleist let go, but he only moved a little bit so that they could sit up. “You are my older brother,” he said in a whisper. “Helblindi is an older brother to us both. They say you have another brother too.”

“Thor.”

“Is he nice?”

“He is my brother,” Loki said.

Helblindi chuckled. “Well, he is not a complete waste of space.”

“Mother said you probably would not know how family works,” Byleist said seriously. “Helblindi will keep us safe if mother and father are not around. If you and me are alone you have to keep me safe, but since I know more about how things work here I have to teach you.”

“We will all teach him,” Helblindi said, poking Byleist in the shoulder. “No need to rush. He just got here.”

Byleist snuggled Loki one last time before going to sit with his mother. Their mother. She barely looked old enough to be anyone's mother.

Loki dropped the spell and stretched a little, giving his skin color as little thought as possible.

“We will eat, then sleep,” Laufey said. “Little Loki needs to put on some weight.”

Loki huffed, but having Laufey call him little almost made him feel normal.

The rest of the time before they went to bed was a daze. He was aware of the meal, but Loki had no idea what he had eaten once his bowl was empty.

He tried stalling getting into the nest with the rest of them, but Laufey kept a close eye on him and gently herded him to the middle. It helped that they all seemed a little unsure of how to make it work. He had not relished the thought of being the only one who felt weirded out. He worried he would be unable to sleep, but once he had gotten comfortable he passed out almost immediately.

 

 


	2. Sneaky Giants

“They can travel to and from Jotunheim without the Casket,” Odin muttered in puzzled astonishment.

As much as Thor sometimes abhorred his brother's tricks, he still did not want him gone. However, the Frost Giants, _and Loki_ , were gone. Somehow they could travel the realms without the Bifrost, and without the power the Casket provided, but that was a puzzle for another day. The Jotuns were nothing if not resourceful when they wanted to be. He had noticed that during the negotiations. The Jotun King was as intelligent as he was cruel.

Thor wondered if they would hurt Loki, and it made his blood boil to think on it.

“Someone needs to explain this!” one of the nobles cried out.

Thor sighed in irritation. Nothing in his life was private. Never were they alone, always did someone else stand nearby to witness everything and to later spread gossip. There were many times when being a crown prince was more a burden than a privilege.

“Stay calm.” Odin held his hand up for silence. “I will explain what happened. Loki is not our son by birth. He is indeed a Jotun, though I had hoped to have talked to him about it before anyone else could.”

A few people muttered things like ' _good riddance_ ' and ' _he belongs with them_ ' and it made Thor furious. “He does not belong with them!” he yelled. “He has lived his entire life here! He does not know anything of Jotunheim. Loki is a prince of Asgard.”

“He does,” Frigga said in a sad voice, “ _by birth_ he belongs to them. We raised him, so that gives us a claim to him, but make no mistake in that Jotunheim has prior claim.”

“By birth, yes,” Odin agreed, “but Loki is still our son and I will not stand for this. We will get him back.”

“I told you this would end in misery,” Frigga told Odin quietly. Thor knew she was upset; Loki was her favorite child after all.

“We will get him back, but we will gain nothing if we do it by force. Especially when he went willingly,” Odin said, and it sounded to Thor as if he had no intention of saving Loki from the beasts.

“He went to stop a conflict, I could see it in his eyes when he looked upon that woman. You heard him ask her not to kill anyone. He always tries to get us out of trouble, do not mistake that for willingness.” Thor started pacing.

Frigga sighed. “That woman goes by a name and a title, Thor. Her name is Farbauti and she is Jotunheim's Queen. Rumor has it she is so cruel even what is left of Svartalfheim fear her. I will not leave my child with such a woman.”

“We must,” Odin said. “For now. We cannot afford a war, and I refuse to start one over something that may very well resolve itself. Once Loki has seen the true colors of the giants he will come home on his own, I am sure of it.”

 

* * *

 

Thor sat in Sif's home, with her mother in the next room busy picking out dresses or some such.

“I miss him,” Sif said.

“I thought you disliked my brother?” Thor asked.

Sif shrugged. “Just his pranks. Anyway, he has apologized every time. Did you know he came here? To talk to my mother?”

“No.”

Sif stirred her tea. “It makes sense, why they treated him so poorly, if he is a Jotun.”

“How so?” Thor asked, and took a drink of his own tea. He had never favored tea. Loki had liked it.

“You _know_ Thor, think about it. The kitchen staff cooks anything you desire, but Loki can never have anything he wants. Frigga takes items off the menu that he can eat without getting sick. Odin never loved him the way he does you. Just look at what happened in Jotunheim when you two first ended up there – he had no complaints to letting him stay behind. Alone. With _no_ guards. No winter clothes to keep him warm. Adopted or not, Loki is a prince of Asgard and he should not have been left behind like that!”

Thor nodded, because he had often had suspicions about how differently their parents treated them. He had often enough chalked it up to that he was the eldest son and thus would inherit the throne at one point.

“Frigga has exiled him, how many times?” Sif continued.

Thor sighed. “Three times. I have done worse things and they laugh it off.”

“Exactly,” Sif muttered. “Did you see how thin he was in his real form?”

“Mm,” Thor agreed. “I was too shocked to notice much more than him being Jotun, but compared to Helblindi he looked...”

“Skin and bones.”

Thor laughed. “It... Bor's balls... Helblindi has been very obviously interested in him. I wonder how he took finding out they are brothers.”

Sif smirked over the rim of her cup. “Worse still, Laufey actually fucked -”

“Stop!” Thor groaned and buried his head in his hands. “It is simply too weird to consider.”

Sif's mother came into the room and poured herself some tea from the pot on the table. “The Jotuns do not frown upon incest,” the old woman smirked at them.

Thor felt his cheeks heat. “The things I never wanted to know..:”

 

 


	3. Introductions, Introductions

The Head Healer, a position that on Asgard was held by a strict elderly woman called Eir, was on Jotunheim held by an elderly man who was clearly a runt like Loki. Helblindi had taken him to the other cave where the Healers had a section to themselves. Loki was actually rather thankful that it was Helblindi and not Laufey or Farbauti. He had a calm about him that made Loki more at ease, and he was not a parent. Any more coddling and he might stab something.

Loki kept his face neutral while the old Healer poked and prodded at him. There was a spell cast that eased an ache in his bones he had not noticed until it went away.

“Better? The rest is nothing food and sleep cannot fix,” the Head Healer finally proclaimed. He wrote something down on a device and likely now had a file on Loki. Asgard had a similar way of keeping medical records. Though the Aesir preferred tangible things like parchment, there were alternatives. “You are not as damaged as I first thought.”

Loki knew he had trouble with both food and sleep, so he sighed wearily and wondered if he would be a regular at the healers here on Jotunheim just like he was on Asgard. Though, perhaps the cooler climate would help with his sleep problems. And he could eat the food here, so maybe he would be fine.

“Thank you for taking the time to see him,” Helblindi said politely.

Loki poked his claws – there really was no better word for the nails. “Can I cut them?” he asked no one in particular as he figured both giants would know. He was still wary of his blue shape. It felt both alien, like something he had shifted into instead of back to, and comfortable. He liked the extra height, and his senses were sharper.

The old Healer made a disproving sound. “They are similar to nails. They are sturdier and more firmly attached, harder to pull out. You would do better with a file. I suppose no one really explained the differences?”

Helblindi held out his own hand for Loki to look at. His claws were trimmed short, but still sharp.

Loki shook his head. “Bigger and blue?” he jested. “I confess I have not asked much either. It was a bit of a shock.”

The joke earned him a flick on his ear, but he could see neither of them took any real offense.

“We have no time right now, but I can explain later. Or you can come here and talk to the healers,” Helblindi said casually.

“Where are we going?” Loki asked softly. He was not feeling too well. Physically he had no real complaints, but his mental state was a little frail.

“To eat, I hope,” the old healer said with a pointed look.

Helblindi grunted an affirmative. “Yes. Father was rather insistent about not missing meals. Then we must attend court.”

“I suppose there is no way for me to avoid it,” Loki said. He secretly liked the attention, but he also felt awkward having all attention focused n himself when he was normally able to fade into the background.

“No,” Helblindi confirmed. “I know it must be stressful on you, but the court must be made aware that you are family.”

“Unlike on Asgard,” Loki muttered.

“I don't envy them having to clean up that mess. It will help. Father has a point, people need to know, then you can hide under a fur for a month if you so please.”

 

* * *

 

Compared to Asgard's stiff court etiquette it seemed primitive to have the Jotun nobles – more like tribe leaders, from what fragments Loki understood – and royal family be so casual with each other. Farbauti took a step back, both literally and figuratively, and allowed Laufey to deal with them. Loki thought he could tell they respected the King more than the Queen, matriarchy be damned, but he was not too sure since there seemed to be a different set of social rules here compared to Asgard.

Besides, Farbauti was scandalously young for someone who had a son as old as Loki was. It might be that they were more used to Laufey, compared to how short a time they had probably known her.

Loki was standing next to her because he had been directed to, trying to pick up on what Laufey was saying. His pulse was a little too fast, his head a little too light, but he had long ago learned to play calm. “What does that word mean?” Loki asked and repeated a word Laufey kept using.

“Ever stop to think that perhaps we would not refer to ourselves as giants? _Jotun_ means _giant_ , while _Jotunheim_ means _the world of the giants_. We are not giants compared to all the other creatures here in this realm and it is rare to hear us natives use the terms,” Farbauti explained. “We refer to our selves as _Ymir's Children_ , or _The_ _Children_. We descend from him, though he was nothing like us.”

“Fair enough, though most everyone claim Ymir as an ancestor. Why is the Allspeak not picking up your language all the time?” Loki asked her curiously. He had a knack for languages, he had realized a while ago that their words seemed to only translate when they wished to.

“It can, and it would, except for the spell I placed on everyone,” Farbauti said quietly.

“So you have essentially blocked all the residents of Jotunheim?” It made sense strategically, Loki had to admit.

“After the war, yes. We need to be able to talk without Asgard listening in.” She cast a spell on him, one he felt settle into his very being and become one with him. “There. You will have to learn the language eventually, but it will suffice for now.”

Loki marveled at understanding what everyone said for a second before his manners caught up with him. “Thank you.” He received a smug smile and a pat on the head for it. There was an easy affection among Frost Giants. They sure touched a lot.

Byleist walked up to Farbauti and hugged her, as if he had read Loki's mind. Loki thought nothing of it at first, then he noticed the boy was nursing.

“You do that in public?” he asked, as neutral as he could.

“Yes,” she confirmed easily, carding gentle fingers through Byleist's hair. “Do Aesir women not breastfeed?”

“Not where people can see, and I am pretty sure they stop when the child is old enough to eat food.”

“That is awfully little. How did they feed you, I wonder,” Farbauti mused. “While we can interbreed with most species, their women normally do not produce enough milk to feed one of us.”

Loki shrugged. “Thankfully I do not remember.”

Which might be for the better. If he had been old enough to remember, if he had known he had been taken... Loki wondered how things would have been different.

Eventually Laufey was done with whatever he had been telling the nobles. They seemed to have reached a consensus. He had no idea of what since most of it had been incomprehensible and the last part that he could have understood had been taken up by his talk with a woman he still refused to see as his mother.

He could not reconcile with the idea of Laufey as his father either. It seemed wrong.

It all seemed wrong.

Farbauti was _a_ mother, Laufey was _a_ father, and he could stretch so far as to accepting that perhaps he was their offspring, but his mind refused to label them as _his_ mother and father.

One of the nobles suddenly called out to Farbauti, asking if she agreed with Laufey. They all visibly settled when she declared that his reasoning was wise. Perhaps she was more respected than Loki had first assumed, or perhaps they just felt better that the royal couple was unanimous. Perhaps she was the one holding his leash to stop him from doing too outlandish things.

Byleist attached himself to Loki's side when he was done nursing. It was strange to have more than one brother – and Thor would always be his brother – and even stranger to have one younger than himself. He found it easier to adapt to that, however. It was new, he did not feel the odd guilt of replacing anyone. He hugged the boy.

Farbauti rubbed a hand between Loki's shoulder blades. It felt oddly like praise.

A group of generals from the army filtered into the room led by Hailstrum, who was by far the biggest Frost Giant around, and the nobles gave them room to approach. The army of Jotunheim was scattered, Loki had gathered from his research on the realm. Different tribes had the responsibility of their own protection and their contribution to the main army. This place was home to the elite troops. And if Farbauti took a step back with the nobles, it was Laufey who did the same when it came to the generals.

Loki wondered to himself if perhaps they split responsibilities based on their interests. It was a strange court. Stranger still when he tried to picture Frigga taking a more active role on Asgard. Yet here a young woman was lording over the bigger and older generals, and they bowed to her. It could never have happened on Asgard.

Byleist seemed content to cling to him while everyone was busy chatting. He wondered what it was like to have such an age gap separate you from your siblings. Helblindi was much older than Loki, and he himself had a lot of years on Byleist. Thor and Loki were nearly the same age, they had grown up together and shared their experiences. At least, he assumed he and Thor were close to the same age. It struck him that he had no idea if his date of birth was correct. He could be younger, even as a runt he might have been bigger than an Aesir baby. Most likely, he was older.

Hailstrum eyed Loki suspiciously. They were all older men with battle scars and calculating eyes, but Hailstrum seemed less than impressed. “A bastard, an Aesir and a boy too young,” the giant muttered.

“I will make my family as I choose,” Farbauti said haughtily.

“I do not dispute that, but his role in court I do question. He will never think like us,” Hailstrum said. Which in all honesty was a fair point.

“No, I would rather not dumb myself down that far,” Loki shot back.

“Feisty,” Hailstrum hummed in what almost sounded like approval, “must be Laufey's brat then.”

“Is that not what we have been telling everyone?” Laufey grumbled, but he seemed somewhat teasing. “Am I suddenly not speaking the language?”

“Worry not,” Farbauti said, “for now he is merely a nestling.”

“Why take him in at all? Why not leave him where he was?” one of the younger generals asked. Loki could not remember ever learning his name. Judging by the static charge in the air that had been the entirely wrong thing to ask.

“You can argue the royal succession all you please, but you will never be allowed to tell me to forsake a child,” Farbauti snarled.

“Why, you ask? Because he is _ours_ ,” Laufey growled furiously, but without raising his voice. “I have mourned for more than _four hundred_ years for the children we lost. Do you think I am happy with this? Do you think the Queen is happy? We are _not_. We have looked for him, a child we did not even know was coming when he was born, for four hundred years. Do you think I like the idea of one of my children being taught nonsense in Asgard? I do not. I hate it.”

The room was quiet. Loki was almost afraid to breathe, and he could still feel Laufey's magic practically hiss and growl like an entity of its own. He could tell he was not the only one who was scared, even the generals shied back from their King. Loki suddenly found comforting a whimpering Byleist to be a lot safer than risking to catch Laufey's furious eyes. He had always realized that he was only somewhat safe on Jotunheim by the good will of the royal family. Now though, he wondered for the first time if that was enough. If either Laufey or Farbauti turned on him he had no hope of getting out alive. Jotunheim would side with the royal couple, and recent events proved that Loki did not even have Asgard to watch his back anymore.

Odin was horribly unpredictable when he was this angry.

Loki would know.

“But I cannot hate one of my children,” Laufey said softly, almost in a whisper, and his magic calmed a little. “It is not his fault that the Aesir took him. He did not choose to live in Asgard. If anyone is to blame it is Odin. And the part of me that is a father wants to paint Asgard with the blood of every last of them. The part of me that is been your King for nearly two thousand years knows that that is not the best course of action. Not now. Not yet.”

They all nodded then, and started filtering out of the room. Too organized to be called fleeing, but that was what they did. Loki was glad to have Byleist close since he still felt a chill running up and down his spine. He was alone in Jotunheim, with no real allies and everyone hated him for being brought up in Asgard.

Helblindi had not even flinched as far as Loki had seen. He was reading some sort of correspondence and only briefly looked up when Farbauti motioned for Loki and Byleist to follow her. It was barely midnight, yet it felt much later. He was not quite used to the upside down world.

Byleist whined until Farbauti carried him. She hefted him like he weighed nothing more than a toddler.

Loki walked close to her, wary of the unknown Frost Giants that surrounded them. She led them back to the cave where the family – his family? – lived. It felt marginally safer than the other one, if only because there were no strangers around. Loki washed his feet and hands without prompting, which was just as well since Byleist seemed upset still.

He pondered leaving while she was busy with the boy, but when Byleist was tucked into the nest she turned her attention on him.

“'m fine,” he said quickly.

The look she gave him said that his lie was not believed. “Once Helblindi gets back we will eat,” she said. Loki supposed she was picking her battles.

“We just ate,” Loki said, but he knew no objections he made would stop them from feeding him. He felt his feet briefly leave the smooth floor not soon after.

“You weigh less than Byleist,” Farbauti stated. “Seeing as he is still shorter, that simply will not do.”

“Will there be trouble?” Loki asked. “With the army?”

Farbauti scoffed. “They live a life that does not encourage children to be born, and when they are they rarely chose to care for them. I would be more surprised if they had said nothing.”

“What is a nestling?”

She pointed to where Byleist was huddled up, “nest,” then she pointed to Loki, “nestling.”

“It means we get hugs,” Byleist said.

“It means that you are part of a family.”

 

* * *

 

Byleist's appetite surprised Loki. The boy nursed and yet he ate enough for two Aesir. Frigga had always told Thor not to eat too much, lest he get fat. No one seemed to care how much the youngest ate here on Jotunheim.

Laufey was not present. Loki had not asked, but he figured it was just as well with how angry he had seemed.

Helblindi and Farbauti had finished their meals and were speaking about some type of animal and Loki just kept quiet and allowed the words to flow over him while he ate. The food was alright, but he ate slow out of habit and because he did not want to talk.

“I will go and see if he has calmed down,” Helblindi eventually said.

Farbauti nodded.

Loki almost stopped eating entirely when Helblindi left, but not because he felt less safe. Oddly, he almost felt more safe.

“Would you like something else to eat?” Farbauti asked softly.

Loki shook his head. He did not want her to have that soft coaxing voice, did not want to have her notice him. He wanted to be left alone so he could run back to Asgard. Where he could fade into the background and be invisible.

“Father scared him before. He scared me too because he was angry, but I know him. I know he will not hurt me,” Byleist said quietly, but with all the confidence of a child that knew they were right.

Farbauti hummed that noise giants made when they listened and agreed. It was different from humming to just show the speaker they were attentive. “I think he scared everyone. Good thing too, I have no patience for the squabbling they sometimes get into.” She turned her red eyes to Loki. “He would not hurt you either.”

Loki looked at her, trying to find a lie in her words and failing. Nothing in her voice or body showed signs of deception. She believed what she said, but that did not necessarily make it true.

Farbauti put a hand on Loki's shoulder. “Laufey spoke the truth before, he hates the situation but I know my husband enough to tell you this without uncertainty: he loves you.” She moved her hand to stroke his cheek. “We both love you.”

“How can you say that and mean it when you do not even know me?” Loki frowned at the ridiculous idea of it. Love had to be earned. It did not just exist for no reason.

“No one knows their children at first. I loved you when you drew your first breath. I did not know you then either. Your father held you any chance he could, if you had not been taken from us you would have never walked a step. Laufey loves all his children, more than most seem to realize, but while we had you with us... you were his favorite. Your brothers and sisters loved you because you existed, though they had to beg to be allowed to hold you. I was worried you would be frail since you were so small.”

Loki did not want to listen to it, as sweet as it was it also made his chest hurt and his heart bleed. It would have been easier to adapt to being abandoned, to Odin saving him. Not to be taken from people who loved him unconditionally. “Why bother? I am clearly a runt.”

Farbauti scoffed. “I care not.”

“Asgard cares,” he said, then stopped before he could say more. He did not want her to speak ill of his home.

“Then they are stupid,” Byleist pitched in.

“You say runt, but size is something we have evolved into over time. You being small means you display more characteristics of the species from ancient times. Not even our most cruel Queen harmed the ones born smaller.” Farbauti picked his bowl from his hands before he dropped it. She placed it to the side and handed him a fruit of some sort. “At least, not for being born small.”

Loki toyed with the soft fruit. He had seen nothing like it before, but it smelled nice. He sneaked a glance at Byleist to see how it was supposed to be eaten.

“I just want to go home, forget that I ever found out that I am not Aesir and sleep for a year.”

“Do you not like us?” Byleist asked. He looked sad, and Loki hated himself. He had no words, and he could not trust his voice even if he had remembered any at that moment.

“Remember when I took you hunting and then to Svartalfheim?” Farbauti asked Byleist. “You missed home, even though everyone was nice there. Loki misses his second family. It does not mean he likes or dislikes us.”

“Could I at least sleep alone?” Loki asked.

“No. It is a punishment to us. You are not being punished, Loki.”

“I have always slept alone,” Loki said, even though he had always hated it.

She reached out and cupped his cheek. “If it makes everything easier, think of this as a chance to learn. Helblindi and Laufey said you were curious when you first came here. Do not think of it as a permanent change. I will let you go, I love you enough to let you go back to your second family. They are not lost to you.”

Loki cried then, and he slightly hated her for loving him as if it was as natural as breathing when he had struggled all his life with the doubt about Odin and Frigga's true feelings. He doubted she would even understand that they would not truly want him back.

 

 


	4. A Mother's Touch

In many ways Loki was still a child, despite both looking and acting mostly like an adult. Farbauti was wary of him, he was still Aesir in his head even if his skin told another tale for the moment.

Loki was used to being alone in bed, and she understood that it always took some time before anyone got used to changes. He settled in with her and Byleist when she told him to, but still kept a distance between them. Laufey and Helblindi were out. Laufey to calm his temper down and Helblindi had taken a detour to make sure Asgard got a reply to the letter sent with a messenger. The messenger, though, would not be sent back just yet.

The men were otherwise much closer to Loki, and he accepted their hands on him more readily.

“What is Odin like, as a parent?” she asked before they drifted off to sleep. Loki was restless and nervous. It was cruel to have a child back only to realize that child was a stranger to being cared for. He accepted a hand on his, but she could tell he would rebel against more comfort than that.

“Not a very good one,” Loki said quietly. “He is still the one I think of as my father though.”

Farbauti hummed, it made sense then that he could connect better to her husband. If he had always wanted more attention from his second father he would be quick to soak up whatever he could get. “We expect it. Still, you take to Laufey a lot easier, and I am assuming it is not about the sex.”

Loki stiffened and looked worried. She had forgotten about Asgard's ridiculous moral high ground.

“Oh, no, I am not upset, if I had a problem with it I would have dealt with _him_ right away. I am not a very patient person. You have nothing to fear. We see things differently. He is married, it is him I would have dealt with if I had disapproved.”

“It is just odd that you are all so easygoing.”

“We are not, we can hold a grudge for a millennium. Sex just means less to us than to Aesir and Vanir. It is like snuggling or hugging. Nothing to worry about, especially not when most can get contraceptives easily enough. There are other things we are not so relaxed about.”

“Aesir never really snuggle or cuddle,” Loki said.

“That is child abuse,” she muttered. She could mention a few other things that was clearly wrong with how he had been treated too. There was something fundamentally wrong when a child broke down and cried over something so simple as being told it was loved. Each time they reassured him he looked like he expected them to lie.

Asgard would pay for that.

“Clearly we are having a culture clash,” Loki deducted sullenly.

“We are. We interact next to nothing with the Aesir, never have. They are far away and very different. What are you worried about?”

Loki shrugged, and she assumed he was not willing to share. “How do you raise children? What is different from Asgard?” he asked softly.

“I honestly know too little of Asgard to tell, but I will tell you how I do it and you can tell me how it differs.” Farbauti thought for a while, unsure where to start. “I suppose children are expected to be less independent than you are used to. There are those who like responsibility, but most rely on their parents for a long time.”

“We do not sleep alone,” Byleist said matter-of-factly when she had been quiet for a while.

“Yes, and to add to that children do not leave their parents' nest unless they have a fall out, or if the child moves far away to live with a spouse.”

“What if they marry, or have kids of their own? Do they still stay with their parents as long as they do not skip town?” Loki wondered.

“Yes. The parents normally help raise their grandchildren. More experience raising children makes you more patient, it is better for the children, and it frees up time for the parents to either work or spend time together. Laufey and I both lack parents, in case you are curious. Mine died in the last war, his... well, that is his story. If more people live with you, a big family, you have more nests but in the same room.” She pointed to all the open space in the main room in the cave. “In some regions they just make one big pit.”

Farbauti made herself more comfortable. “Children are somewhat rare. We are an old species. We grow slow, live long and as a result we are not overly fertile. Women are allowed to chose if and when they have a child, which I suppose is different from Asgard. No woman here would agree marry anyone against their will, and their fathers would never force them. Like the elves we cherish the ones that are born and we will take in orphans more readily than other species. There are horrible parents here too. They exist in all the realms. Most of the time the matriarch – the woman in charge of a family unit or clan – makes sure the children are treated well. It is on her head if children are abused.”

Byleist yawned, clearly bored and tired.

“You and Laufey seem to have had quite a number.”

“It was never my plan. I never wanted to be held down by a husband and children, but Laufey does not stop me from doing what I want, so I gave up on contraceptives and I gave him what he wanted most. He took it harder than me when they were killed. When we had Byleist a few years ago it was in an effort to move on.” She blinked away tears, remembering their dead children. The siblings Loki did not remember.

Byleist crawled over her so that he was between her and Loki. “I am more than just a few years!” he objected.

She hugged him tight and whispered “you are still my baby” into his hair. It was odd, having Loki there, because for so long he had been the lost baby. The youngest.

“What of punishments?” Loki asked after a short silence. He looked tired too, but being older he could fight off fatigue better or at least hide it more successfully. It could also be that he was used to sleeping at night and being awake during the day.

She wondered if he was unduly worried about punishments. She knew the Aesir had never liked her people.

“We try to use reason and force them to think, beating children just teaches them to fear the punishment. If a child steals food because it is hungry we punish the parents for not feeding it. If it is something really awful we will separate them from their family for a week. Make them sleep alone and care for themselves. It works wonders. If you are used to having your parents hold you when you sleep and then have to sleep alone, it is scary. Laufey and I were both punished like that as children. We were a bit... wild. Helblindi is older than my father would have been if he had still lived, and he still whines if he has to sleep alone.”

Byleist mock-whined to show Loki. Most of the children had inherited Laufey's dramatical nature. The hordes of bastards Laufey had sired over the years were an eclectic bunch, though they were all very sweet to her.

She supposed accepting them had made them warm up to her.

“I used to do that. That and I used to bite.” He refused to look at her, instead focusing on the furs.

Farbauti hummed. She heard her own an Byleist's hums more since Loki often seemed to forget to make noises while they were talking. “What were you upset about?”

“Silly things probably, I do not really remember,” he evaded.

“So they soothed you then?” she asked, knowing it was unlikely that he would say yes.

“No they screamed at me until I behaved.”

“Cruel,” Byleist huffed. “I do not like them.”

“Aesir are different, they did not see it as cruel. If anything they thought I was the cruel one. You are not allowed to bite in Asgard,” Loki said. Always quick to defend.

Farbauti grimaced. “You do realize that while _you_ did not know about your origin, _they did_. Your second parents knew you were not Aesir, but they tried to force you to fit into their mold. Even if they were not actively trying to be cruel, they were at best willfully ignorant.”

“In Asgard they would want to skin me, here it is my mind that does not fit the mold. You are saying I was forced into a mold? You are doing the same thing. You want to teach me how to be a good little Frost Giant so I will not stand out.”

“Yes, perhaps I am a hypocrite. Perhaps I should just accept that my child is part Aesir,” Farbauti said with a calm she did not necessarily feel inside. If Aesir practices included abuse she would never treat her children that way. She might be a young mother, but she had never felt overwhelmed enough to treat them poorly. Who screamed at an upset child? What good would that do?

“Would you?” Loki asked with a challenge to his voice. He seemed very keen on not discussing whatever abuse they had subjected him to, always throwing the conversation back to something else.

“Depends,” Farbauti admitted. “It very much depends on how well things go. I am more willing to give you leeway with Asgard if you make an honest try to learn about your heritage and make an educated choice. This is hard for us too. Children often think their parents always know what to do, but we stumble along sometimes as well. Do not doubt that we want you here, you are a stranger but we love you no matter what.”

It was Byleist who hugged Loki, but Farbauti decided it did not matter to her right then and there. It would be easier for Loki to bond with a sibling now that everything was new and scary. She only waited a few heartbeats before she wrapped an arm over both of them, which Loki did not object to. She was not sure how much time lapsed before she fell asleep, but both her sons had already succumbed to the daylight's pull by then.

 

* * *

 

She woke up first, as she usually did. Loki had not moved away from them during the day and was still tangled up with Byleist. Sitting down a bit away she started meditating.

She was not old, but her habits were set in stone long before she became a mother. Her magic allowed her to sleep less as long as she meditated, and meditation was necessary for some of the more advanced spells she used. It was a cycle. It made her calmer too, which helped.

Once done she bathed and dressed. Laufey came back when she was just finished braiding her hair.

“Calm?” she asked and used hand signals to back the question up. It was all she really needed to know. Tempers were short, but outbursts meant very little. The hand signals were really for use in the army, originally, but hunters used them so often that her tribe had started to talk almost entirely by using the hand signs.

Laufey grunted a soft affirmative. He looked a bit tired and she knew he must not have slept, but for someone who was as old as he was he showed few signs of aging. Not like the pink alien Odin, who looked like he might keel over in a light breeze. Aesir had such short lives, but being a half-blood should have made him last longer than what he had.

He stroked her hair gently and toyed with the decorations, nuzzled her as she touched him back.

“We are almost ready for the big ceremony,” he said. It was a habit of his to always spend a while to do something positive after an outburst, and she had always liked that about him. His apologies were never just pretty words.

She smiled. “Good.”

Now if only Thrymheim could get the troops they needed, everything would be well and good. The shipbuilders from Svartalfheim had appreciated the extra time, but she did not like waiting.

Loki started to stir.

“He likes you better,” she accused gently, keeping her voice down since she knew all children liked to listen. She doubted Loki was still asleep. Tired most likely, but not fully asleep. “You and Helblindi.”

She almost asked where the oldest child was, but knew logically he was likely holding court as she had asked him to.

Laufey waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, a lazy version of the sign for something unimportant. “That is what you get for being gone so long. You will win him over.”

“Perhaps. You have a lot of faith in my abilities.”

“I trained you,” Laufey smirked, and his confidence almost annoyed her.

“Mm,” she agreed. “There is precious little time left before the ceremony to settle him in. I wonder how the tribes will respond to it.”

Laufey touched her bare chest and ran the hand gently down to her hip. “They will love our little surprise.”

She smiled at him. “They had better. It is costing us a fair bit to build.”

“No problems?” he asked, looking at Loki.

“Nothing catastrophically big. I want to kill his second parents. Slowly. _Painfully_. He is skittish and unused to being cared for. We need to watch his eating, he seems to have trouble there. I am unsure if he simply is not used to eating so many meals, or if the taste bothers him.”

Laufey grimaced. “He skips meals from what I understand. The healers made some potions for him so that we could get him up a bit. We need to get him somewhere near normal.”

“I could feed him.” She wanted to, she really did. Breastfeeding children was a good way to bond, and it usually made them feel safe.

“If he wants,” Laufey said cautiously. “It could make him more skittish. I am unsure how much they bond with their littles on Asgard, but he considers himself nearly an adult.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not, but it is time we woke them.” She made a globe of hollow ice in her hand just so she could use both to smash it to shards that flew everywhere. It sounded like crystal shattering in the stone cave, but it was harmless. She was not about to risk them getting cuts from stray shards.

Loki shot up like he expected an attack, while Byleist groaned and complained that he wanted to sleep longer.

“Hush. All is well,” she assured her older child. She placed a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Nothing to fear. It is just how we wake children in my tribe.”

“I thought about taking him away,” Laufey said, making the sign for singling out prey behind Loki's back. “See the realm.”

“I do not like it,” Farbauti frowned, but signed her acceptance anyway. She looked back to Loki who still had not calmed down. He only resisted a little when she hugged him. “He needs time with us both to get to know us, but he also seems to need a father more than a mother.”

Laufey hummed in agreement. “We will not go tonight anyway, it is still too cold for him. Meet us in the southern settlement and show him your ragtag bunch of hunters.”

She nodded and let go of Loki so that Laufey could hug the boy instead.

“Byleist,” Farbauti said in a slightly raised voice. “Time to eat.”

Byleist muttered and grumbled, but finally rose. She heard Laufey apologizing for his outburst last night and saw Loki nod.

“Loki, are you calm yet?” Farbauti asked gently. “I want you to keep an open mind on something.”

Loki nodded from where Laufey had him tucked close. It was such a stark difference to see her large husband next to her stick-thin child. Laufey was by no means bulky the way some of the elite forces were, but compared to Loki he could easily have been Hailstrum.

“Can we agree that you weigh too little?” she asked.

He nodded again.

“Good. Again, keep an open mind. It would help if I gave you milk.”

Laufey shook his head when the boy opened his mouth to refuse. “No. No Asgard this or that. Byleist does not need to drink now, nursing is mostly a comfort for him. Give it one try and then you can argue if you do not like it.”

“I am too old to nurse,” Loki muttered into Laufey's shoulder.

Farbauti chuckled and shook her head. “It is not unheard of here. Older siblings nurse if there is more milk than the younger sibling can drink. We nurse children until either the mother or the child stop wanting it.”

She did not mention that abused children were nursed by their adoptive parents to help them realize there were adults who would care for them.

“Once,” Loki said cautiously.

Laufey nodded.

“You need to eat,” Byleist said sagely.

Farbauti nursed Byleist first. He was fond of cuddling and while he did nurse he often did so very slowly in order to get more time to snuggle.

Loki was obviously feeling awkward when it was his turn, but did as he had been told after a little guidance.

Laufey cuddled with Byleist meanwhile and apologized to him as well for losing his temper, which Byleist likely had already forgotten. Their youngest was soon busy talking about everything in random order. Mostly he asked his father about Aesir and Loki and Asgard.

Unlike Farbauti, he had traveled and learned a lot about other realms and their cultures. She liked listening to him most times, but Asgard was a sore spot at the moment.

When Loki stopped she noticed he was crying, and she wondered briefly if she had done the right thing, or if it was too much and way too soon. He did need every bit of extra food and comfort he could get, but perhaps she should have not made him suckle. She stroked his face gently. “Too weird?”

“Everything here is weird,” he replied in a whisper.

“It must be,” she said softly, “but we have time.”

“Helblindi is minding official business while we settle you in and show you your home,” Laufey added.

Loki looked skeptical. “But -”

Laufey grunted impatiently. “Family is important. Everyone will understand. No need to listen to fussy people with petty problems when we have more important things to do.”

“I take it that is not how your second parents solve problems,” Farbauti guessed, her fingers combing through Loki's already tousled hair. He had stayed close to her instead of pulling away. His thin arms still around her. He seemed tired and his body was a little too tense.

“I do not like them,” Byleist repeated.

Loki sighed and rested his head in the crook of her neck, hiding his face. “I am used to it.”

“It is not like people cannot survive on their own if we take a break,” Laufey said in a carefully measured voice. “They go on with their lives no matter if I sit on the throne or not. They get up and eat and do their chores. They go to bed and they think for themselves. What they need us for are the bigger things. The problems they cannot fix, and unless something urgent happens there is no problem in taking the time away to be with your family.”

“Odin does not think like that,” Loki said softly, his voice muffled by her skin.

Laufey smirked. “I am not Odin. I am Laufey and I do what I please.” He reached over and patted Loki's head. “If any of my subjects has a problem with that I can always have them killed for entertainment.”

The effect was spoiled by Laufey gently wrapping Byleist in his blanket. She had made each of her children one, but Byleist was the only one so far to really cling to his. Helblindi had his tucked away somewhere and used it when he was alone, for comfort.

It was a tradition from her home tribe, mothers wrapped their young up in something they had made so that they could show that they cared.

She hugged Loki tighter because he had tensed slightly. “Are you worried?”

Loki shook his head, perhaps lost for words.

“What?” she urged. She wondered if it was what Laufey had said, but surely Loki realized no harm would come to him?

“I still have that damned blanket,” he whispered and pulled away from her a little. He used magic to summon a few small items, pressing them into her hand before his words caught up with her.

He had it? They had let him keep it?

“These were a gift from my parents,” she explained, looking at the small ivory beads in shock. She had never expected to see them again, or Loki for that matter. “They were still alive when you were born. My mother complained that I had too much of an easy time giving birth, she was stuck in labor for a whole night each time, screaming into the water and trying to keep the pain at bay. She said she would have been happy for a small one,” she babbled.

She quickly braided the little beads into a lock of Loki's hair. She had done that the evening before... The clasp for the blanket she just gave back to him before hugging him tight and trying to calm down.

“Moth- Frigga kept everything. She said she knew I would ask one day, and she did not know how to tell me all she knew was that I had ended up in her lap one day.”

“Is she nice?” Byleist asked.

Loki nodded. “She is a good mother,” he said, but to Farbauti the words sounded flat. Perhaps he was just tired of defending his home. Perhaps it was phrase he ha used too many times. It was hard to tell when she had known him for such a short time. Perhaps she merely heard what she wanted to.

“I am glad,” Farbauti said and was surprised she meant it. “I would have rather had you here, with me, but I am glad you were not alone and afraid. That someone kept you safe. Do not assume I like her. I am not sure I ever will. I do not want you to think I would rather see you suffer than see you happy in another family.”

She stroked his back. Laufey could claim he had gained weight, but it was hard to fathom him skinnier without picturing a corpse. Sure, there was some fat and flesh on him, but she felt entirely too many bones. A child his age should still have some more fat on them.

She was very familiar with their abuse laws, and this was far from alright.

People had been appalled when she had first moved to live with Laufey, saying she was too young to be apart from her parents. The healers had kept close watch to make sure she was healthy. It was only the fact that she thrived which had stopped people from interfering. Acting as Queen was hard work, and had she not been so brilliant at it she was sure Laufey would have sent her home to her parents. For all his posturing he was not cruel.

As it was she was sure he fell in love with her mind before he noticed she had a body.

“Come now,” Laufey said and rose with Byleist in his arms, “breakfast waits for no one.”

She scoffed. “Oh, I am pretty sure I could order them to delay it.” She rose anyway and dragged Loki with her.

 

* * *

 

The next evening Loki got up with her and joined her when she meditated. He still jumped when she broke the sphere, but not as badly now that he was awake to witness it.

Byleist whined a little but got up with a thorough stretch. “Can Loki and I nurse at the same time?” he asked.

“If he wants to,” Farbauti said. “If he is not interested I will not force him.”

“Please, Loki,” Byleist begged.

Loki looked like he was about to refuse, but then he shrugged and gave in. Either it bothered him less than what could be assumed, or he was not feeling safe enough to refuse them. It would need to be watched.

She had to help them arrange themselves, and Loki latched on much easier. It brought about nostalgia, because she had not had one child at each breast for a long while. They were still similar in height, with Byleist only a head shorter, but Byleist would grow bigger than Loki. He was a normal child whereas Loki was small and always had been.

Helblindi and Laufey cooed over them while they suckled. Before the war Laufey had helped her nurse, mostly because of the large number of children they had gotten in a short amount of time. She wondered if Aesir men helped nurse, but discarded the idea. The little pigs were likely too stuck in their gender roles to even consider it.

Farbauti stretched when both boys were off her and had been dragged into a hug by either of the men. She liked the lighter feeling when she was empty and had no weight pressing her down almost as much as she enjoyed nursing.

“It is almost time for the Mourning,” she realized. The Mourning always felt like it barely ended before it began again, but Loki looked more surprised than anyone else.

“A year. It's been a year,” he said quietly.

“Time flies when you look back,” Laufey hummed. “Would you like to carry one of the lights?”

“It feels like centuries have passed, to be perfectly honest. I do not even know their names,” Loki said in a quiet whisper.

“Hati, Idi, Beli, Vali,” Laufey listed easily, “Loki. In that order.”

“You two oafs named one of your children _hate_?” Loki burst out.

“I told you; she is horrible with names,” Helblindi chuckled. Farbauti slapped the oldest lightly on the arm.

“Why does everyone end on the sound i except for Byleist?” Loki asked.

“So we do not look at him and remember the dead,” Farbauti said. “Why did you choose to attend last year, Loki?”

“Oh, I had a _choice_?” Loki asked sarcastically while looking at Laufey.

“I told him to, he did. Very obedient, though pale as snow and scared like a deer before a wolf,” Laufey snickered. “Then he trailed after Helblindi like a puppy.”

“Then he had nightmares for weeks,” Loki snorted.

“That was kind of the point,” Laufey smirked.

“I thought you were going to slit my throat,” Loki muttered. He wiggled free from Helblindi and threw a pillow at his father. Laufey retaliated by summoning enough snow that the boy was lost under a small drift.

Farbauti sighed, about as exasperated as she always was with Laufey's antics. “Sometimes I manage to forget that even at fifty I thought you needed a keeper.”

Since Loki had still not emerged Laufey vanished the drift with a wave of his hand to find Loki looking shocked. “What?”

“Should I go?” Loki asked quietly. “Would it not upset people, that I live when others do not?”

“They already know, the clans have been told,” Farbauti pointed out. “Plenty will wish to never see anyone raised in Asgard on the throne, no one actively wants you dead. You are a child of our people no matter where you ended up after the war.”

The boy did not look convinced.

“They did not mind you last year,” Helblindi said softly. He had always been gentle with the little ones. At least, he had with her offspring. Laufey's other children by various women was another matter entirely, and she still had only the barest clue as to why he disliked them.

Loki chewed his lower lip until she reached out and dragged him over so she could hug him. He might not whine or bite when he was stressed out, but if they had scared that out of him then he would have had to develop different tells.

“You worry too much,” she whispered softly.

“Do I?” he laughed dryly. “Last year I thought I was Aesir.”

She stroked his back. “The war is still an open sore in the public mind, but no one wants more blood to color the snow. That said, if anyone lays a hand on you I will tear them apart.”

Laufey looked like he was mulling something painful over. She poked his leg with her foot.

“Did you realize your skin turned blue even then when we touched you?” Laufey asked eventually.

Loki looked at him curiously. “Did it?”

“The group you arrived with said you almost fell and one of them picked you up.”

Loki frowned. “So when you put your hand on my head...”

“I should have allowed the lines to show, but I just wanted them to see.”

 

* * *

 

Farbauti stayed in the nest the next evening instead of getting up. Again Loki woke up shortly after her, but stayed still, probably waiting for one of them to move. Laufey stayed asleep, much like Byleist he was lazy in the evenings and could sleep for hours longer at times.

She poked his shoulder. “Sleep in.”

“Do I have to?”

“No. Do you want to?”

Loki shrugged.

“Do you want to hear a story?”

Loki vehemently shook his head. “No. No stories about children being eaten, thank you.”

“Who told you that?”

“Oh. Some merchants.”

“I will have words with that brother of mine,” Farbauti huffed. “How about something more suited for children?”

“'m not a child,” he mumbled.

“Legally speaking we both are,” she said.

 

* * *

 

Laufey led the ceremony as he always had and always did. It had been his idea to start with. She stood by his side and weaved her own spells alongside his, like she did the few times she found enough strength to attend. It was different magic from what she normally used, her spells were never this flashy or showy otherwise.

She could see Loki standing with Helblindi and Byleist. Helblindi placed the lights for Hati and Idi, Loki placed Beli's and Byleist very carefully placed Vali's.

Loki still held a light, his own, and when Laufey cast the spell that vanished the other lights, Loki's was still glowing in his hand. He looked down at it rather than up, and Farbauti felt he should have. He worried too much about people's reactions – they were not as he feared.

The gathered left slowly in small groups. One or two of the closest to Loki touched his shoulder gently as they left. Helblindi took Byleist and left for the cave before the cold got any worse.

Laufey went over to their dead children and sat down by their side.

Loki transformed the sphere into a bird and made it fly off, then perch on an broken pillar before it shifted back to an inanimate sphere. It was delicate magic, advanced enough to make the remaining people look twice.

She went over to Laufey, watched his face while he looked on the dead bodies.

“We should go back.”

Loki carefully walked to them, watching where he put his feet.

“They are dead, long gone,” she said softly, “they do not feel your feet.”

“I know,” Loki whispered. “It just... they look asleep.”

“We placed them as such,” Laufey said. “No one wanted to see them as they were when they died. Still, we need to remember, so they were never cleaned up.”

 

 


	5. See The World, They Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, so this chapter is choppy and I will go back and fix that at one point. It's 16 pages in Word, tough, so there's that...

A journey to the different areas of Jotunheim took time, but Laufey had a son to show around so he decided it might be worth it. This time. He was going to limit it to the more populated areas and Farbauti would absolutely have to take the next one they had. It was not that he disliked the realm, because he most certainly did not, it was more that no matter where he went he was always the King and people would want to talk about boring politics rather than just small talk.

He missed that a bit from before. In his youth he had roamed the realms just to see all of it. But that was history now.

The scattered clans living in the eastern mountains was as good a place as any to start. They were overall friendly, even though there was no guarantee they would like Loki. It would be a long walk, but he knew the boy had many questions so he did not consider using quicker means to travel. He had questions for the boy too, and a long journey to see Jotunheim would do the little one good.

“Remember to not trust anyone too much,” he warned the boy lightly, and probably unnecessarily since Loki was skittish at the best of times. “The two matriarchs are friends of your mother and me, but there is no telling how they will react to you.”

Loki nodded, he had been quiet for hours so far. Laufey was content to wait him out. There was no need to rush right now.

“How did you and Farbauti meet?” Loki eventually asked.

“Starting with the safe questions, hm? I took over rule of Jotunheim after my mother died. Things went well, but many of the tribes were worried that we would lose tradition, that we would become like the other realms. I did not want a wife, so I ignored them. My mother and I had not gotten along toward the end, she was cruel and I wanted nothing to do with a family like that. I met Farbauti when she challenged me for the crown.” Laufey smiled softly before he continued. “Her family is known for being good hunters. Willful and proud. She felt I was doing stupid mistakes, that I was too soft, so she challenged me, but she was and is too young to be accepted as a ruler. Rather than fight to the death like tradition dictates we reached a compromise. We would rule together for one year and see if things improved or became worse. If she really was good at it I was going to allow her to rule alongside me. We did not like each other at first. I am not sure when we became close, but we gradually did. We are a good team.”

“Do you love her?” Loki asked.

“I took her as my wife, of course I love her. We don't marry people we dislike, you know. I realize you buy into her reputation of being a fearsome bitch, which she absolutely has earned, but she is a wonderful mother. We did not even know she was pregnant with you until she went into labor. It was poor timing to have a newborn during... Well. It matters not now.”

“Why not kill me then?” Loki asked casually, as if it was of no importance. “It was war and you had heirs already.”

“Do you think we gather each year to grieve because we do not care about our children?” Laufey made a disapproving sound. “Yes, it was war. There were so many dead and wounded... and then there was you. Frail little thing that you were, _nothing_ would have made us hurt you. Farbauti dragged herself out to where I was planning with the army generals, both of you still wet from the birth. She had barely spit the water out of her mouth. She held you up over her head and asked if anyone had asked for a new recruit. It gave us hope to see new life. It made us fight harder to be reminded that there were those who needed to be kept safe.”

“Why am I here? Why take me away from Asgard?”

Laufey stopped walking and looked Loki straight in the eye. “I have a better question; why were you taken to Asgard in the first place? Hm? What use could Odin have with another's child? Why hide you so that you would look Aesir? Why nearly starve you to death?”

“Maybe, just maybe, he figured I was a runt that had been left to die?”

“A child with my markings?” Laufey asked evenly. “You were a baby, but you were no newborn when he took you. We had acknowledged you and named you. If you had not been destined to be a part of our family we would never have put the markings on you. I considered that with Helblindi, but no matter how big and strong you are a child of your own blood will make you weak. No, you were wanted and you were ours and _Odin knew_.”

Loki looked away.

“Odin knew very well who you were when he took you. He knew you enough to know your _name_.” Laufey shook his head to clear it. He had no desire to scare the boy. “Be that as it may, I think you already know we do not throw our runts out. Not everyone needs to be big and strong. If we have no desire to raise a child we give it up to another. Plenty of couples cannot have children, there is no need to leave a child to die. It is not our way. It never was.”

He hugged the boy and touched the beads in his hair. He was not ignorant of the meaning behind keeping them after Farbauti had braided them into it. “I took you from Asgard because you are mine. You may wish to return, but before that happens I will at the very least teach you what it means to be born in this realm. You will get to know your siblings, and we will fatten you up.”

“If I want to stay?”

“Then you stay.”

“And you would let me go?”

“I would, if that truly is your wish, but I will not enjoy doing so.” He let the boy go and peered at the sky. “The sun will rise soon. We should find someplace to sleep.”

Loki nodded. Not tired because of the extra light like most youngsters were, but because they had walked for so long. Laufey could see it on his face. Loki was young, but he was different in ways that worried Laufey. Had he been raised on Jotunheim he would have found the tribe responsible and killed the matriarch. Some of the things that differed were typically signs of abuse. He doubted Aesir knew enough of other races to understand how it could hurt a child to be treated like a smelly day-dweller in a realm that had too much heat.

They crossed the last of the open ice field and reached a forest with mostly old and sturdy leaf-bearing trees, good for building a temporary nest in. Jotunheim's forests were dark and wild. As fierce as Laufey was, the wildlife could match him in spirit easily. Some beasts could even swallow him whole. He wondered if Loki was aware of just how many creatures lived in the realm that could make a meal out of a skinny boy. Probably not.

“Are you hungry?”

Loki shrugged, but he looked more tired than anything else so Laufey decided it could wait. The boy would only rebel if he was constantly forced to eat now that he had some more meat on him.

As the sun rose they reached a large enough tree, one of the few kinds of leaf-bearing species that could survive the harsh climate. Thick and sturdy like a mountain with arms. “Up,” he told Loki, and the boy climbed with him. “Stay close.”

He used magic to create a nest of leaved branches and the furs he had brought for them in a fork between some thick branches. He could have made it bigger, but he wanted to force Loki to get used to cuddling, so he cheated where he could. The boy was raised wrong, but he did like to be touched.

Even if he was annoyingly prude about incest.

“Why are you so scared of incest, anyway?”

“On Asgard it always means abuse,” Loki shrugged. “You know, like an adult forcing themselves on a really young child.”

“Which is wrong. It is more like cuddling.”

Loki huffed. “You are weird.”

“Sleeping alone is weird.”

“I do not mind sleeping together with others, it just takes a little getting used to.” Loki got more comfortable. “Besides, with how often you and Farbauti go at it I fail to see how you can possibly want more sex.”

“There are definitely perks to having a younger wife,” Laufey admitted.

The day was mostly uneventful. The boy woke up a few times on the verge of screaming. Laufey shushed him, partly because he was wary of the beasts that often roamed both day and night, partly because he did not want his children to be frightened. Loki was perhaps not all his anymore, but they had enough of a bond that the parental instincts were present. It was odd and different to have such a weak connection, even with Helblindi he had felt deep down that the child was his even though he had not truly wanted him at first.

He attributed some of Loki's worries to the change in environment – it was never easy to leave a place you had spent your entire youth in. Others he wondered at. At four centuries old the boy was almost an adult, but not enough that he could be fully trusted to survive alone. He should be more spoiled, more used to being cared for.

Loki woke up with a start late afternoon. Laufey woke up as well, he was too in tune with the environment not to. He tugged the boy closer and held him tight. “What is it that keeps scaring you?”

Loki shrugged. “It is mostly stupid things.”

“Hm. Stupid to Aesir or stupid to us?”

Loki huffed. “You are weird. Sleeping together is weird.”

“I think it is cozy, and I am willing to bet you are enjoying it more than you let on. You just dislike that we know when you have bad dreams.” Laufey stretched. “So, what was stupid?”

“I used to follow Thor and his friends on his adventures. Things happened and some of them still give me bad dreams, is all.”

Laufey scratched Loki's back with a light touch and hummed. “You are quite safe. Just do not wander off.”

When dusk came Laufey forced Loki to get up. They had to eat before they continued and the best way to get a meal in these parts was to get up early. Loki might not make noise about needing food, but as long as Laufey could count his ribs eating was mandatory.

Few outsiders knew it, but Jotunheim was only frozen on the surface, and only because it was so far from its star. Dig down a little and it was warm enough for plants all over the realm. Most of them grew in the soil, and Laufey knew from experience that the local fruit bearing species surfaced during the day to soak up some sun. He told Loki what they were looking for, but it took tasting one to make the boy realize it was food.

“I was half convinced you only lived on meats.” Loki made a gesture to indicate his own teeth and fingers. “Because of the sharp claws and teeth.”

“No, we eat plants too. And bugs.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “How long will this take?”

“A few months, no more. I was hoping to get a bit of muscle on you.” He tossed a small bottle to the boy. “Drink up.”

 

* * *

 

That night they reached the base of the Troll Mountains, which were closer to Utgard than most realized. The ground tilted upward, but it was not truly steep yet, and the treacherous glaciers were on the other side. The ground was mostly rocks and gnarled trees amid a sea of moss. The snow and the ice had never made a permanent home here.

They were crossing a field of Troll Spikes, one of the only true perils of the area. There were large stones strewn in a path, light gray and smooth. Loki was about to jump to a black rock when Laufey grabbed him and held him still. “That is no rock,” he muttered. He teleported them past the spike field, deciding to cut it short to avoid surprises. Taking the long route in all honor, but sometimes safety had to come before it. He had never had to explain these things to Helblindi or the dead ones. Byleist was still nursing, but Laufey was sure he knew better than to jump on creatures too.

Loki turned around when a furious snarling reached his ears.

“See? No rock. The trolls place them among the spikes,” Laufey explained. “Step on them and they maim you. They cannot leave on their short legs so they are always hungry and vicious.”

Loki nodded. “There are trolls here?”

“Yes. Why else would we call this the Troll Mountains?” Laufey gestured to the surrounding peaks as if it was obvious even to outsiders.

“Great,” Loki muttered.

“They are mostly harmless,” he said, looking around. He could sense others of his species lurking around nearby. People he knew, people he had bonds with.

“I have fought trolls, harmless is not the word I would use.”

“Compared to the Mountain Clan they are downright friendly,” Laufey said loudly.

A familiar snicker greeted him. “I heard from the Queen you were on the way. This is the child?” Fenja asked.

Laufey stroked Loki's hair and nodded. “Yes. Mine.”

Fenja and her sister Menja approached them. It was always Fenja who spoke, her sister staying silent. Deaf, but her silence had little to do with it. She was very quick to communicate with Farbauti, who had a born hunter's aggressive use of hand signals. It seemed to appeal to everyone who had problems hearing.

“Tch. If you say so. We have space if you wish to stay,” Fenja offered.

“That would be good.”

The sisters led the way into the mountain where they lived with their clan. They were nearly as old as he was, but such things meant little.

“Your daughter will be glad to see you,” Fenja said.

“Which of them?” Laufey asked.

“Dis. Moved in last year and settled in as our Healer.”

“Hm. She is talented.”

“Very. Perhaps she should see to the boy? He is awfully thin,” Fenja said while the walked through the large natural cave.

Laufey growled a little. “The Aesir have not fed him properly. There should be some kind of etiquette when you steal children.”

The beasts they raised as pets ran up to greet everyone, so Laufey picked Loki up and carried him so he was not trampled. They were friendly enough, but very boisterous, and compared to the boy they were quite large.

Dis came in soon after, and he introduced her to Loki as soon as he had put the boy down.

“Bonds are backwards, mostly,” she mumbled while she examined him. “Healthy enough, all things considered.”

“He is awfully thin,” Fenja cut in, repeating her concern.

“Not considering how much of a throwback he is. It looks dramatic in comparison, sure, but he is at less risk of dying than you seem to assume.” Dis stroked a hand through Loki's hair. “He needs less sunshine.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

Laufey snorted. “That is what happens when daydwellers steal children.”

“I did get your summons,” Dis said, “but I will not be leaving for a bit. I have two very pregnant women to watch over. One is a first timer.”

Laufey nodded. “I wanted to introduce my children, so we will have accomplished that anyway.”

“Farbauti said there was one bastard under each rock,” Loki snickered.

“Mother is correct.” Dis nodded in agreement.

“Do you all call her that?” Loki asked, tilting his head.

Laufey and Dis nodded at the same time. “It is no disrespect or disapproval of our first mothers,” Dis hurried to say. “It is a great relief to know she accepts us as family. She could have cut us off.”

“That essentially means I would have to disown them,” Laufey filled in.

“I have ended up in an upside down world,” Loki said.

Dis rubbed Loki's shoulder. “Come find me if you need me, I need to look at my patients.”

It was Menja who quietly showed them to a room to sleep in and smiled gently before she left.

Loki slept easier than the day before, about as peaceful as he ever was. Which was not saying much. Laufey slept curled around him.

 

* * *

 

Once they left the Mountain Clan they walked through a forest towards one of the bigger lakes. As they got further south the pines and occasional leaf-bearing tree gave way to a bushier and leafier forest with more animals roaming.

They saw a young mother with a toddler, but neither she nor they stopped to chat, just called a casual greeting.

“Will she be alright alone?” Loki asked.

“Women are no frail flowers,” Laufey answered. “They can look after themselves as well as men can.”

“But she has a kid with her.”

Laufey huffed. “Oh, and what do I have, a kitten?”

“What about bandits?”

“We have none, unless they came from another realm.”

“None?” Loki asked incredulously.

“Why would I allow it?” Laufey asked. “If people are stealing they need to be dealt with, or we need to make sure they are all fed and have whatever else they need.”

“It sounds strange.”

“I am not saying there are never troubles here, there are, but most of it seems settled now. When I was your age there was a rebellion in every corner of the realm, no one wanted central rule, Svartalfheim had a permanent armed force stationed to keep the peace in the capital.”

“Vanaheim is at peace, but there are more bandits than farmers.”

“And why is that, little princeling? Could it have anything to do with them being taxed twice as hard as the Aesir farmers?”

Loki was silent.

“Amazing really, considering the Aesir and Vanir are only separate because they live on separate realms. One has to wonder why they never acknowledge they are the same species.”

A long stretch of beach greeted them when they walked out of the forest. The gray sand was mixed with patches of blue, green and pink.

“Is this an ocean?” Loki asked. “I cannot smell salt.”

“Our oceans are not salt,” Laufey answered quietly. “The realm only has fresh water.”

“How is that even possible?”

“There is very little salt here, period. We do not need it anyway.”

“You have to need some salt.”

“A little, and we are getting that much from our diet, but the excess salt on Midgard and Asgard does not exist here.”

“I like salt.”

“It is not good for you.”

Loki looked up at him curiously. “I have a question about that. If my body was spelled to be Aesir, why do I get the feeling most of what I grew up being exposed to has not been good for me.”

“You are still you, even with a spell covering you.” Laufey stroked Loki's hair. “You are thinking about it backwards. Think of it more like clothes. You put them on and you take them off, but underneath your body has not changed.”

“I do not feel like I am -” Loki sighed. “I just feel like I do not belong anywhere and nothing will ever make me fit in.”

“It is called adolescence. You will stop being angsty when you grow out of it.”

“Yes, blame it on my age.”

“It partly is. You are not an adult quite yet.”

Loki looked skeptical.

“In order to live for thousands of years our bodies are paced differently. I know the Aesir do not take it into account much.” Laufey locked eyes with the boy to make sure he was listening. Sometimes he stopped in order to be defensive whenever Asgard became a part of the discussion. “A human will live what, seventy years? Twenty of which they spend growing up. Did it ever occur to you that we have a similar cycle? Thankfully we do not spend two thousand years growing up, but the first half of a millennium is spent physically growing. The brain finishes last.”

“Is that why Farbauti cannot be crowned?”

Laufey nodded. “It is also why Little Loki sometimes has a temper.”

“I am not little,” Loki huffed.

He ruffled the boy's hair. “You are not even as tall as your mother.”

“Does that have anything to do with growing up in Asgard or is that just me?”

“Both, perhaps,” Laufey mused. “You were born too early and too small, but I doubt Asgard _helped_.”

Summer would arrive soon. Laufey could see the signs of the warm season approaching. “We should stick to the settlements from here,” he told Loki. “The warmth is coming, and with it comes the breeding season. It makes the wildlife aggressive.”

They followed the beach until they reached a sprawling village. Out of all the species living on Jotunheim the humans were the ones Laufey detested the most. However, the humans had their good points. They treated their mortality with a large degree of contempt of death that made everyone else perplexed, and which made them hilarious to watch.

He was not surprised when Loki took his Aesir shape. Laufey huffed and did the same. He was not fond of masking as a pink day-dweller, but the tiny houses and narrow alleys were not built for The Children.

“It is odd seeing you like this,” Loki said.

“I told you the pink is unnatural.”

Loki glared.

“Oh, do not be like that. We shift shape often, those of us who can, especially since humans and Aesir are allowed to travel the realms where we are not.”

“Why do you allow them here?”

“The humans? They settled here without permission. We have since worked out agreements and now they live here in peace with us. They fish, they make interesting little trinkets, and they are somewhat amusing to watch. Like pets, almost.”

Loki gave him a displeased look.

“Asgard sees them in a similar way, yet they do not allow them in their realm.”

“I know, and I disagree. They may not live long, but they have as much brain and heart as we do.”

“We used to hunt humans for sport,” Laufey chuckled. “When my mother ruled these lands.”

“Why did the crown pass to you if Jotunheim is a matriarchy?”

“After a bit of... infighting... I was her only legitimate child, and better suited than the unrelated women who wanted to rule. More than that she was cruel, and the people wanted a change of pace. It is all relative, anyway. I am told I am not exactly seen as benevolent among the other realms.”

“You are not worse than Odin.”

“Oh, brilliant, I am better than child murderer,” he mocked and lightly smacked Loki's ear. “Brat.”

“How cruel was she?”

“Let me put it this way. She had an elite force called the Queen's Guard. Mind you, they were no guards. Their job was to find anyone opposing her, anyone avoiding taxes, anyone doing things she disliked, and then bring them to the throne room. They were tortured on display. People came to audiences with her and were met with torture victims attached to the wall, the Queen's Guard busy maiming them. She rather liked the screams. Not a bad mother, but I stayed away as much as I could. Studied magic and traveled the Empire, mostly, the Dark Elves were rather free with knowledge as long as you stayed loyal.”

“And,” Loki hesitated, “the Queen's Guard still exists?”

“In name only. Farbauti's family are hunters. They gave us their strongest and best warriors to keep her safe.” Laufey dragged Loki along another street, remembering a quicker way to the square. “Of course, Hailstrum is still alive. Used to lead them when my mother ruled.”

“What are the things they fly on?”

Laufey made a small chunk of ice form the shape of the animal. “Andlat. They can carry up to three people and they can fly for weeks on end.”

“How old are you?” Loki asked.

“Older than you.”

“The Dark Elven empire fell -”

“A good long while ago, yes.”

The narrow street opened up to a large, by human standards, paved square. Laufey walked up to the funnily dressed human in charge of the settlement. He did not keep track of their names, he knew them by title and the odd ceremonial clothing the rulers chose to wear.

“Greetings, My King,” the man said with a bow, easily recognizing Laufey.

“Well met, tiny human. Any news?”

“The path to the City of Many has been opened again.”

“Good, the soldiers behaved well?”

“Yes, we appreciate the help.” The man bowed again, then looked Loki up and down. “Your youngest?”

“Middle, now. This is Loki.”

The man smiled brightly at Loki. “Good to meet you.”

“We are not here on official business,” Laufey said. “The boy grew up on Asgard so we are looking around.”

The human frowned. “Well, good you got him back then. No saying what those savages might have gotten up to.” He whirled around and summoned a younger human. “This is my firstborn, he will be glad to show you around.”

The younger human bowed respectfully.

 

* * *

 

Next to the path was a small river running rapidly in the opposite direction they were going. Two small half-blood children were resting by the side of the path when they turned a corned.

“Alright?” Laufey stopped to ask. They looked spooked.

They both nodded.

“We had to run away from a Muru, but we are not hurt,” one of them said. “Are you going to Thrymheim?”

Laufey nodded. “Want to go with?” He suspected they might be eager to have an adult around if they had been chased by a territorial Muru. While they were herbivores, they were not harmless if annoyed or threatened.

“Yes,” the same child that had spoken earlier said.

The two got up and followed when he started walking again.

“This is Loki, my name is Laufey.”

“Mother calls us Snow and Cloud,” the child said. He pointed while he spoke to indicate who was who.

Laufey supposed the names referred to their pale skin and hair. The City Of Many hosted an eclectic mix of races and since the war ended it was the biggest settlement above ground, in the warmest part of the planet. Laufey technically ruled over them as well since they lived on his realm, but for the most part they interacted little with one another. The Children persistently called it by its old name, Thrymheim.

“This is what the capital looked like before the war,” Laufey told Loki as they drew nearer.

Thrymheim had been left largely intact by the latest war. The tall black buildings shone in the low light of one of their moons.

One of the young children stumbled and Loki picked the boy up and carried him. Laufey picked the other one up, slightly surprised at the boy weighing next to nothing. Small arms went around his neck and the child nuzzled into him. “Long night?” he asked.

“Yes. There were some humans who passed us earlier, but mother says not to trust them. She says Ymir's Children would never hurt us.”

Laufey grunted a little, he had always said similar things to his own children.

“That is racist,” Loki said.

“Perhaps, but that does not make it less valid,” Laufey said.

Loki huffed, but did not argue more. They put the children down when they reached the city proper and watched them run off to their home.

“Thiazi rules Thrymheim officially, but for the most part his second son does all the real work,” Laufey said.

“I am not sure I understand,” Loki said. “If Thiazi is in charge, but his daughter is matriarch, is she not ultimately in charge?”

“The Children abide by her rule, the non-natives often need men to tell them what to do. This is why Thiazi and his son rule officially.”

“But, if Thiazi abides by the matriarch it is all just a front.”

“In part. He has power over the ones who are not of our species, the matriarch does not meddle with their lives.”

Loki frowned. “Does the same go for Farbauti?”

“No.”

“Because she is Queen?”

Laufey nodded.

“Why was Thiazi with you in Asgard?”

“Because he owes me troops and they are late in delivering, I found it a fitting punishment.”

They were almost at the large central market, which he found he actually wanted to explore in case there was something worthwhile to buy.

 

* * *

 

Laufey led Loki to the royal palace in Thrymheim, one of the few of the lesser palaces still standing. It was small compared to the one that had stood in the capital, and had been used more as a space to stick unruly children temporarily.

“Did we go over greetings?”

“Greetings?” Loki repeated.

“I assume that to mean no. When we meet a friend we put the right hand on their left shoulder. Relatives are the same, but stand closer and either rest foreheads against each other or rub cheeks together.”

“I see now why you asked us to come, practice for the little one?” Varg said. His voice was always measured and slow. Loki looked nervous when half a dozen new faces filtered into the room.

“Mm. Clearly it has nothing to do with anything else,” Laufey drawled. “You are scaring him.”

Varg smirked. “Ah, am I?”

“That delinquent is my second oldest,” Laufey explained.

“Never mind the posturing,” Gaupe said to Loki. “He is Varg, I am Gaupe. We have the same mother.” She came closer and slowly made the greeting for friends, only morphing it into a family greeting when Loki showed no signs of objecting. “There, nothing to it.”

“The rest are Nott, Litur, Kotte and the youngest two are twins called Mus and Rotte.”

Laufey stayed close to Loki, but he otherwise left the youngsters to get acquainted by themselves. Gaupe was also hovering a little to make sure nothing happened.

They lot of them settled down in a nest in the next room after a while and started more or less telling their entire life story. Loki was quiet and only listened, but the others were very chatty.

 

* * *

 

The next evening found Loki fast asleep and Laufey signaled for those of the rest who had woken to let him sleep in. Varg and Gaupe had left before he had woken up himself, but soon returned with food.

“How is Farbauti?” Gaupe asked.

“Well, all things considered.” Laufey sighed. “There will be a call for the armies to gather.”

Gaupe shrugged. “We will be prepared by your deadline.”

“And the brat?” Varg asked.

“Your brother is as he usually is.” Laufey had been naive enough once to think Helblindi could get along with his siblings. Varg had gotten the worst of it, and he had the scar to prove it.

“What will you do if he harms the Queen's children?” Varg pressed.

“Let us hope he never does.” Farbauti would show very little mercy. “How is Thiazi?”

“Same old,” Varg said. “Still grieving mother. He has gotten happier, but he still has long periods where he does little more than sleep and stare at the walls.”

“Do you need anything?”

Gaupe shook her head. “Overall no. It would be nice to see Farbauti more often. She was here before she left for Svartalfheim, it was very helpful. She is ruthless, but it helps in the long run. Though, the first time she came to oversee how I managed the city I nearly cried. It was much later that I saw how much easier it was to do it her way.”

Varg nodded. “I would never have realized the troops were not up to standard if she had not pointed out flaws in the training.”

“I will tell her.” He stroked Gaupe's head. “You never said you were upset.”

“I was going to, but then everything sort of fell into place and I decided I actually liked her even if she is harsh. Mother was so mild, the contrast is what gets to me more than anything.”

“I think she is harder on you and Varg,” Nott said. “Since you rule the city. When she comes to visit me my first mother will say she will spoil me rotten.”

“You are so small though,” Gaupe said, “everyone sees you as a child.”

“I am extremely lovable,” Nott grinned.

 

* * *

 

The tundra offered next to no shelter, but the smooth snow was ideal for teaching runes. Laufey found that Loki was a quick learner once he had a grasp of what he was learning. He had been teaching him words over the course of the journey – simple nouns and adjectives mostly – but the boy still had a very thin grasp of the language.

“These,” the boy held his arm out to show that he meant the heritage lines, “are they symbols, or just distinctive of a family?”

Laufey hesitated a little, because normally the lines were explained to a much much younger child. He tried very hard to think nothing about what he had missed, the stumbling steps and the first words, but denial always made the hurt worse when it came.

“Both,” he said at length.

Loki had a look about him that was hesitant. As if the slightest rebuke would have him quiet for the rest of the night. Laufey found that more hurtful than any small development he might have missed as the child grew. He hoped it reflected more on Asgard's teachings than his own.

He traced the lines on the boy as he explained them.

“So you knew that first time, when you broke the glamor spell?” Loki asked.

“No,” Laufey sighed. “I knew before that.” He stroked Loki's hair. “I just had no proof.”

The boy was shaking slightly, like he usually did right before he cried, like he wanted to keep it inside.

 

* * *

 

There were many forests on Jotunheim, and while Laufey had successfully avoided the Iron Woods, he was forced to go through the Southern Woods in order to reach the hunter's camp.

“The wolves...” Loki brought the topic up quietly.

“Mm. They have followed for a while now.”

“Will they attack?”

Laufey shrugged. “Depends on their food sources, if there is prey then no. They hunt bigger animals normally, but wolves are not picky about food.”

“There are no wolves on Asgard anymore,” Loki said. “Vanaheim has a few, but they are smaller than these.”

“Driving a species to extinction has consequences on the rest of the animals and plants. We could kill them all, but they are magnificent beasts. Dangerous, sure, but the key to living side by side is to not act like prey. Stop looking around, it will only encourage their instincts.”

Laufey placed his hand between Loki's shoulder blades. “Back straight, keep and eye out without moving the head all the time. We are not prey, they like much fatter things. Now, if you run, they will chase. If you are boring, they will leave.”

 

* * *

 

Laufey took Loki to see Farbauti's tribe last. Her parents were dead, they had died fighting Asgard, but many of her other relatives lived on.

“Will they even know who I am?” Loki asked.

“You have noticed the resemblance you have with your mother, no? Did it also strike your notice that people know you by name here?”

“Yes, but... I do not know. It is odd having relatives. More odd still to look like them. I only ever had Thor, Odin and Frigga. Frigga's family is dead save for her brother in Alfheim and I have not heard of Odin having any living relatives.”

“He does, but she prefers to be left alone.”

“Who?”

“His mother. Bestla, the smallest daughter of Bolthorn. She lives here on my realm. Came back when Odin killed Bor.”

“Odin killed his father? Could I meet her?”

“He figured out what we know from birth. You cannot be crowned until the old regent dies. If she wants to meet you I do not see why not. She is a bitter old woman, never were very happy and it has not improved with age. Do not expect her to be nice.”

“She must be ancient by now.”

“Old, at least. That half-breed son of hers ages poorly.”

Loki looked confused. “Do Aesir live shorter lives?”

Laufey patted his head. “Yes.”

He spotted Farbauti first, but Loki saw her soon after. They had arranged to meet up here so that she could show her own tribe to the boy, but she was always a welcome sight.

It was easy to tell that Loki was excited to see her, but he still awkwardly hung back a step when they were close enough to hug. At least, he did until Laufey and Farbauti were done, then he surprised them both by hugging his mother.

“It is good to see you again,” she said when she got over her shock. “I see that your father has fed you.”

Loki smiled and nodded. He was looking more normal now, but it had been slow progress for Laufey so he had not noticed quite how much the boy had filled out.

“Come, I want you to meet my siblings, their children, and my uncle.”

Laufey followed, somewhat interested in meeting the little nephews and nieces Farbauti had. “Has your idiot brother died yet?”

Farbauti sent him a glare.

“Why do you hate him?” Loki asked. “He seemed nice last I saw him.”

“He was in charge of guarding all the children,” Farbauti said. “He was struck down, nearly died, but he survived.”

“He failed to sound the alarm,” Laufey added. “If he had, some might have lived.”

Farbauti gave him a look that clearly said to leave it be. He had allowed the idiot to live, that was as much mercy as he was willing to part with.

He heard Byleist's laugh before he saw him. He had two cousins at a similar age and they always had fun together.

“No hug?” Laufey asked when the youngest children ran past. Byleist shrieked and giggled when Laufey caught him and lifted him up. “Did you forget all your manners while I was gone?”

The boy nodded. “Yep. Where did Loki go?”

They both looked around before noticing that Loki had managed to find a bear and fallen asleep on it. Laufey snorted. “We should get him one of those.”

“If anyone has questions about his heritage we can put them to rest,” one of the hunters joked. “For we all know choosing to sleep close to the most dangerous creature around is something he inherited from the King.”

“Who are you calling a creature, halfwit?” Farbauti asked.

“Wear a crown all you like, you are still the brat we raised.”

Laufey changed his grip on Byleist a little. “What do we do with insolent people?”

“We hug them!” Byleist exclaimed.

Laufey sighed. “I swear, he has to be Helblindi's.”

Farbauti shrugged. “Helblindi has no interest in females, otherwise I would agree.”

The hunter got up and made to walk somewhere else, but slipped on the ground.

“You should be more respectful,” Loki singsonged.

 

* * *

 

Bestla, it turned out, was relatively pleasant to Loki.

“I do not care for her overmuch,” the boy muttered when they had left.

“Mm. She was better behaved than normally.”

Loki looked far from convinced.

The Southern Woods thinned from a thick pine forest into a sparse and airy forest where the moss and flowers made the ground look like a fluffy blanket.

“I like this,” Loki said quietly. “Seeing the realm,” he added to clarify.

Laufey stroked his hair. “We still have only covered a little of it. When you feel better being underwater I can show you the seas.”

 

* * *

 

“Where next?” the boy asked, seeing the capital in the distance.

“Utgard.”

“Who lives there?”

Laufey looked questioningly at him. They had circled back home, and the boy had not even realized. “You will see.”

 

 


	6. Allies

Loki looked at the delegation from Svartalfheim curiously from where he stood next to Farbauti's throne. Helblindi was standing by Laufey's with a hand on their father's shoulder. Byleist was in Farbauti's lap, looking on just as curiously as Loki.

Since Asgard defeated the Dark Elves on Svartalfheim's soil no one in the Realm Eternal had heard much from their world, and they had honestly made no attempt to forge ties with the defeated elves either. Their leader had supposedly fled and left the remaining elves to die. Loki figured that was a somewhat modified truth. The elves looked like their kin from Alfheim, except for the skin and eye colors. Perhaps a sturdier build, but overall very similar.

When Laufey had shown him around they had visited some of the clans, and there were settlements on Jotunheim that were not populated by giants. One a human town, one was a mixed city where all manner of races lived. But he had seen no Dark Elves, or elves at all. That could mean Laufey had chosen to not show that, or that there were none.

“We are honored to be in your presence once again, My Queen. We come with news of the fleet,” one of the elves said in their own language, which Loki had learned on Alfheim. The Light Elves still used the “old” language in formal settings and in writing.

He seemed to be the one in charge, considering he was more decorated than the others. Then again, that did not have to be accurate.

“I am pleased to see you return. How is your work progressing?” Farbauti asked. She spoke fluently, which indicated that she knew the language. Using the Allspeak often caused a somewhat odd speech, even if it carried accurate meaning.

“The building of your fleet goes very well, My Queen, we will be done ahead of your schedule. We would like to start training the pilots now, if it pleases you.”

Farbauti smiled a smile that was nearly giddy, making her look as young as she was. “Excellent.”

It was cloudy on the surface, and had been for a week's time. Jotunheim was a dark realm because of the thick clouds that often covered the sky, but once in a while the sun shone from a clear sky and created a dazzling light show when the rays from the sun hit the ice and snow.

Underground in the cave systems the dim light and dark shadows made even the cloudy sky seem bright once you got above. Perhaps the giants and the Dark Elves had that in common, the dim and dark. Loki's eyes had always adapted much quicker to the dark than to the light.

Loki turned from his contemplations of the lack of light to the Dark Elves.

“We heard rumors about a returned child,” one of the female elves said softly, her eyes going briefly to Loki. “Can he be trusted? We have as much reason to be wary of Asgard as yourselves.”

“As much as anyone of Laufey's blood can be trusted,” Farbauti smirked.

Laufey huffed indignantly, but his eyes were happy.

The female elf bowed and seemed to be pleased enough. “Please let anyone interested in learning come to us first, the masses can be trained by their peers.”

“I have a list of names of those who have expressed interest, but we will ask again and see if anyone has reconsidered.”

The elves bowed as one and then left. Loki made a mental note to talk to Farbauti later. He wanted to know exactly what kind of pilot training they had talked about. Elves were not known to be the most patient teachers, but once you had proved your will to learn from them they were formidable at explaining.

The commoners had hung back while the foreign delegation was present, but now they stepped forward a little. Guards picked out who got to approach first, and while Loki had thought it disorganized the first times he was now used to the guards arguing with each other. The ones with the most pressing matters were seen first, then they came in the order the guards had seen them arrive.

Loki leaned against the wall. Audiences were long, and the commoners were sometimes loud and animated. Odin or Frigga would never have tolerated the mess or the heated speeches, but things were different here. You were allowed to be upset on Jotunheim, allowed to argue and make your voice heard. Even children, if they just picked up their courage enough to come forth.

He had not thought much about returning to Asgard lately. Sometimes he missed it, but most of the time he worried too much about how he would be received to go. There was also his biological family to factor in, as much as he had never fully expected to like them. He missed Odin and Frigga, but he felt safer with Laufey and Farbauti. He missed Thor, but he never felt like he was second best here, even though he was not in line for throne. If anyone went to find Loki it was never because they could not find his siblings and had to settle for him instead.

Loki snapped back to the present when he saw Fenja and Menja approach. From what he had seen of the audiences clan leaders and other higher ups in society requested private sessions.

“We came to make sure the child was not abused,” Fenja said, “but I can see from here you have no trouble keeping him healthy.”

“Not while he is here,” Laufey said quietly. “I will not vouch for Asgard if he chooses to return to the family that raised him.”

“Vouch or do not, if he returns it is still your responsibility.”

Loki looked down on his feet. He did not know the laws here like he did on Asgard, but he had learned a lot about the laws governing family units. People had a tendency to tell him what was and was not allowed so that they could point out how horrible Asgard was. There were also those who told him things so that he had the knowledge, as if they were worried his birth parents would hurt him because he was ignorant.

“His second father was born by one of ours,” Laufey said, voice reluctant. “They have as much claim on him as we do. Legally I have no right to keep him here if he prefers to return. Abusing a child because of ignorance is, conveniently enough, not punishable on either realm.”

Fenja cocked her head to the side. “How can he plead ignorance?”

“He has not. His mother did for him. Apparently she only kept him long enough to wean him. Half-bloods are normally bigger, so I am assuming he really does not know better.”

“You have not talked to him about this?”

“If I did he would demand the child back, so no. I am not very interested in risking that.”

“We will keep an eye on this,” Fenja said before she turned around and left. Her sister tossed a bag to a guard and then followed.

“We checked it earlier,” the guard said and placed the bag in a pile of others. Taxes, Loki had been told. He had no idea how the tax system worked.

Next a giant approached who clearly was not native to the realm. His skin was dark, darker still than Heimdall's. Loki guessed Muspelheim, though he had heard only loose gossip and myths about its inhabitants.

“What news from our warm kin, Eld?” Laufey asked.

“Curious about that brat of yours,” the giant rumbled.

“Of course,” Laufey drawled.

“You must have some news from your realm, Eld,” Farbauti coaxed. “Surely something has happened since we last spoke?”

Eld made a disgruntled noise, something of a hiss. “Nothing much. We are not allied to Asgard, though we helped the Vanir before they succumbed to Asgards rule, but rumor has it those who are have been asked to support a war.” The giant locked eyes with Loki, then looked to Laufey. “His pet ran away.”

“War, is it?” Laufey snickered.

“We are prisoners on our realms, officially. The Aesir believe they rule us all, all the Children of Ymir.” Eld cocked his head. “Cold and warm alike. Surtur grows impatient.”

Laufey huffed. “Born impatient, more like. The old fool in Asgard will not start a war. His son perhaps. Aesir life short lives and his is at its end. He will not start what he cannot finish.”

“If we united, all of us, the Aesir would fall,” Eld said in a soft rumble.

“The Queen will be crowned before we do anything. My advice would be to await the little prince to take the throne. Asgard is strong because of it is head. The body simply exists. Surtur can wait for a good opportunity.”

Eld inclined his head and stepped back into the mass of gathered giants.

It took little time after that before the audience was over. Eld seemed to make the normally outspoken locals wary.

Loki followed when his family made their way to another room.

Svartalfheim, Jotunheim and Muspelheim. Asgards two true allies were Vanaheim and Alfheim, and only because they had been conquered in war. Midgard was Asgard's protégé, but would be no good in a war. Hela of Niflheim cared nothing for other realms and the dwarf ruler of Nidavellir was unpredictable.

“We will go against the Aesir,” Laufey said. “We will join forces and we will probably tear Yggdrasil apart, but not yet.”

“Ragnarök is not a fairy tale,” Farbauti pitched in. “It was a plan forged to avenge Ymir, and it still stands, even if on somewhat loose ground.”

“You would destroy everything we know for revenge?” Loki asked.

“You are young. Sooner or later everything will be destroyed, or it will change enough that you will no longer recognize it.”

“Well I want no part in it. Break all ties, by all means, but I want no part in a war.”

Helblindi grunted something that could have been agreement.

Farbauti gave him a questioning look.

“I prefer peace,” Helblindi said with a shrug. “We have barely risen from the ashes, we have only just restored the realm enough to thrive once more. Why risk it? I am not saying we should slack off and become fat and useless – but we have all lost too much. I do not want to lose everything again.”

Laufey stroked Helblindi's head with an odd look on his face. Not quite fond, but not hostile either.

Loki decided to twist the knife then. “On the other hand, you can always have more children if you lose them all again,” he said in a nonchalant tone. He smiled pleasantly. “No big deal, right?”

He grinned viciously while Laufey and Farbauti exchanged looks.

 

* * *

 

The Dark Elf Delegation had brought more than their ship builders. A woman dressed in gold and jewels joined them for a formal dinner.

“Oh, and there is the missing son!” The woman turned from Loki to Farbauti. “You never said he looked so much like you.”

“Do not frighten the boy, Alflyse,” Farbauti said with a smile. “Loki, this is Alflyse of Svartalfheim.”

“Even more of a slut than Helblindi's mother,” Laufey whispered, though he was not quiet enough to not be heard by everyone in the room. “And let me tell you, that woman had _a hundred and seventy_ children.”

“Takes one slut to know another,” Alflyse countered with a smile.

“Well it is a pleasure to meet you,” Loki said before going to sit next to Helblindi. Eating at a table seemed wrong now, even more so when others served them food.

The stone benches were covered in furs. Most cloth could not stand the cold, which was why furs were in such high demand.

Farbauti and Alflyse sat together so that they could talk, which they did rather enthusiastically. Laufey kept Byleist entertained, likely happy the boy preferred him over his mother for once.

Plate after plate full of food was placed on the long table. It was a mix of elven food and what he typically saw on Jotunheim.

“How does this live up to Asgard, Loki?” Alflyse asked.

“Much more palpable. Do you know what a golden apple tastes like?” Loki asked in return.

“No, I hear they are marvelous though.”

“See that is the thing,” Loki grinned. “The best kept secret ever. If you eat one, it will kill you. But, they are beautiful to look at and make a great decor. There is always a great deal of merriment when someone tries to eat one.”

“Do Aesir ever fall for it?” Alflyse asked.

“Oh certainly, no one is outright told that they are a myth. I only found out when Thor and I stole one. We cut it in half, but I never got around to eating it because it smelled really bad. Thor took a bite despite that.”

“He clearly did not die,” Farbauti pointed out.

“They are poisonous, not magical. There is an antidote,” Loki shrugged.

“Pity,” Helblindi said, smirking when Loki scowled at him.

“Why all the fuss over growing them?” Alflyse asked.

Loki shrugged. “Well, there were only two trees left at one point. They grow nowhere else, so to prevent the trees from going extinct they were farmed by the royal gardeners. Then the tales around them grew when they were ever only used in the palace. They became a symbol of sorts.”

 

* * *

 

Loki joined the army in their training sessions at dusk because it was something to waste time on and he had altogether too much time to brood. At first they were wary of him, but soon they started to warm up to having him there. It probably helped that he was just around to get a good workout, not to boss them around.

Growing up he had focused on being fast and nimble since he was weaker than Thor and his friends. He was still small and weak compared to the giants chosen for the army, so his fighting style had no need to change despite being in a completely different realm.

A realm where most everyone shaped ice as easily as they breathed.

One of the senior guards took it upon himself to make sure Loki could fight like they did. His name was Raze and he also taught Byleist when the boy started becoming interested in what Loki was up to.

“Spineless runts, the both of you,” Raze muttered when Loki and Byleist both agreed that bending the surrounding ice to their will was hopeless. “Melt it. It is water.”

Loki picked up a handful of snow and tried anew. He could cheat by using his magic, but he wanted to learn this skill.

He tried a few ideas he had entertained, but none worked. Then he thought about what Raze had said. _Melt it_ probably was not literal, more metaphorical, since he did not need it to become liquid. He was supposed to make it _bendable_.

The grin on his face was probably stupid, but he had figured it out. The snow turned to a slim dagger.

“Congratulations, you are now as proficient as a child that is just stopped nursing,” Raze muttered.

Byleist grinned proudly at him. “I think you did good.”

He whispered instructions to Byleist and watched as he quickly managed to make small shapes with ice too.

Loki put it to the test by making a slippery pool of ice under one of the training soldiers, who slipped and fell flat on his back.

Raze sighed wearily. “Good, good. Can we move on to bigger things now?” he said in a dead monotone.

“Could you not teach them how to be useful instead?” one of the instructors growled.

Raze grinned, showing too many teeth. “You mean the two royal princes?”

To Loki's surprise Hailstrum smacked the instructor over the head with one of his meaty fists. “Yes yes, little princes can be annoying, but they are not recruits. No need to treat them like they are.”

Byleist hid behind Loki when the mountain of a giant got close to them.

Easily being twice as tall as Loki, Hailstrum had to kneel and crouch down to be at the same eye-level. “Do us a favor now and do not cause injuries, hm?”

Loki nodded and said nothing, he refused to show that he was afraid. It was a pointless fear, since Hailstrum patted him on the shoulder gently as if he had actually done a good thing. Raze smirked at Loki's dumbfounded expression.

“Run tell your parents now,” Hailstrum said. He ruffled Loki's hair. “Controlling ice usually takes more practice.”

“You will let it get to their heads.”

The mountain of a giant scoffed.

 

 


	7. Thor Storms In

His brother had been missing for long enough, and Odin did nothing to reach out to Jotunheim. Thor was not about to leave Loki with the savages just because it was the safest political option. He had to save his younger brother! No matter if Loki was Jotun or not he had been raised in a civilized realm and he had to be scared, trapped among the barbaric giants, with no one who would help him.

The only reason he had not acted sooner was because Thor had hoped his father would somehow take action and help Loki. Enough was enough, and Thor had gathered his friends and had gone to Jotunheim without even seeking Odin's permission, since he knew very well what the answer would be.

He had asked Heimdall to put them down a bit away from civilization so that they could sneak up on the giants.

The Warriors Three had been reluctant to come, especially Fandral. Sif was not keen on rescuing Loki either, saying he could have gotten away on his own. They had all agreed despite that to help Thor because this was important to him, and he appreciated it.

Thor led them through the cold and barren landscape towards the structure above ground where the giants appeared to train their army. He had been to Jotunheim enough to be able to find his way somewhat easily in the ruins of the capital. Heimdall had said Loki had been with them every evening, honing his skills, but Heimdall had refused to say why Loki had not escaped using his magic.

There were just a few smaller Frost Giants sparring when they arrived. Thor was not as stupid as Loki sometimes accused him off. He would ask these youngsters where his brother was instead of just killing them outright. One of the slimmer Frost Giants fought like Loki, which brought a bout of nostalgia.

“Jotuns!” he called out.

The slim one hissed something to another giant, who quickly ran off. That left six giants facing them. Thor assumed that slimmer giant had a higher position because the others kept moving in front of him as if to protect him.

“Where is my brother?” Thor demanded.

The giants seemed surprised, their heads turning back to the slim one who seemed more bitter, if still baffled.

“He is ours now!” one of the smallest growled. That had to be a child, but it was easily close to Sif's height.

“Take us to him and I will let you live, runt!” Thor challenged.

Larger, more heavily built giants started coming at them from all angles. A good thing it had not come to blows yet, perhaps, but Thor felt cornered. Diplomacy was Loki's thing. Thor was good at fighting, so that is what he did when he felt crowded. He did not like being disobeyed by simple commoner youths.

The first thing he targeted was the youngest. The slim one pulled the child away in the last second before Mjolnir would have smashed its skull in. Thor found himself fighting the slim giant, and he did indeed fight just like Loki. Had Loki been training the giants? Was that what they used him for? Better that than being Helblindi's toy perhaps.

“You want your brother?” the slim one screamed at him furiously. “You want Loki?”

“Yes!” Thor would have marveled at the cat-like agility and speed of the Jotuns, had he not been so focused on hurting them.

Sif screamed something to the far right, and turning towards it cost Thor. The slim giant cast a spell to trap him. There were too many giants now, and too well trained. The slim one soon had all of Thor's friends bound with magic. Thor had never seen defeat in recent years. He tried to fight his way out of his bindings, but it proved impossible.

Loki would have set him free if he had been here.

The slim giant was bleeding from a wound on his head where Thor had landed a glancing blow with his hammer. The red demon eyes were furious. He hissed something and then spun on his heel. The smallest giant was crying and clinging to him. They looked like brothers.

 

* * *

 

The Jotuns locked them up deep underground. Poor Sif was separated from them early on. Thor hoped they would not rape her, as seemed likely. Why else take the only woman away from the rest of them?

Asgard's prison was somewhat similar to where they were kept, with a forcefield keeping the prisoners in their small cells. The cells themselves were much smaller than Thor remembered from his father's dungeon. Each of them had their own little cell which was barely large enough for them to lie down in.

The giant Thor had fought gave the prison's guards orders in a language Thor thought sounded too melodic for such a crude species. Surprisingly they not only seemed willing to obey, the bowed as if the slim giant was above them in rank. Which was of course ridiculous – everyone knew Frost Giants only obeyed the strongest among themselves.

The smallest, the child, was still clinging to the slim giant even though it had thankfully stopped wailing.

Helblindi soon joined them, listening impatiently as the slim giant spoke rapidly in that oddly soft and liquid language of theirs. Thor watched him gently tip the slim giant's head and carefully examine the wound. He hissed in sympathy when the other giant grimaced.

Guards ushered the slim giant and the child away, being oddly gentle about it, but Helblindi stayed behind. Thor had never liked how Helblindi acted toward Loki, but he had never truly felt that the Frost Giant was a threat to himself. Thor was not as dainty as Loki. Helblindi seemed passive enough even now, looking at the floor and standing still in the suddenly empty space between cells.

“Where was Lady Sif taken, you beast?” Fandral asked, breaking the silence. An unwise move in their current predicament. Silence suited dungeons better.

Helblindi raised his head a little, and with a flick of his wrist an icicle impaled Fandral's right shoulder. The remaining guards snarled at them to respect the crown prince.

“A beast, am I? She struck none of ours, she laid her weapons down when the rest of you decided to attack two of my brothers,” Helblindi said in a quiet voice. “Likely she saw what you did not.”

Thor had seen three dead Jotuns in the snow as they had been taken away. But surely Sif would not simply give up?

“Three lives you have taken,” Helblindi continued. “For what?”

“We came to rescue my brother from you,” Thor said, deciding he might as well speak now that a discussion was going.

“What does your brother look like? In his Jotun shape, I mean,” Helblindi said in obvious mockery.

Thor searched for words, but he had not truly paid attention the one time he had seen Loki in his true form. Well, other than to note that he was extremely thin. And blue.

Helblindi smiled cruelly. “Ah, I see.”

“What have you done to him?” Thor demanded.

“Made sure he was taken to a healer,” Helblindi said flippantly. “Apparently his Aesir brother does not know how to spot his own sibling.”

“The Allfather will come for us.”

Helblindi pretended to shake in fear. “Come he may, but caught is caught. Your half-blood father has no authority here.”

“Oh, right, your mother would be the one in charge...”

“Both of my mothers have been the Queen, yes.” Helblindi chuckled and turned to a guard. “Have them bathed before my father comes. He never did like their smell.”

 

* * *

 

Bathing was... unpleasant. Jotuns clearly had no problem being wet even in the dead of winter, and had never invented anything to dry off with. Or, Thor mused, if they had they did not share with prisoners.

Thor was sure days had passed in the cold cell, but the light in the prison never changed and meals were irregular. He was surprised to be approached by an elderly Aesir while the Warriors Three slept. He assumed the man to be old, at least, as he had lost all his hair and was bald.

“Come,” was the quiet command spoken, and Thor eagerly followed once the energy barrier had been dropped. The Jotun guards paid them no mind oddly enough, almost as they could not see them at all. Magic, he assumed.

They walked through narrow tunnels for long hours. Thor was tired and hungry, but he kept up with the old man who stopped every once in a while to make sure they were not followed.

The other man seemed relieved when they reached a portal. “Step through, quickly,” he urged.

Thor ended up in a wooden house, outside the windows he could see green fir trees and the occasional leafy bush. The man joined him quickly after and the portal collapsed.

“Have a seat,” the man said, indicating a wooden table with food laid out. “You must be hungry.”

“What is this place?” Thor asked, opting to remain standing. He was wary of the old man and his intentions.

“Relax. This is a small village inhabited by mortal humans,” the man said with a smile, “I spend very little time here, but I have found it beneficial to have several homes in case I run into trouble. Though I must say, being captured by Frost Giants is something I have never had the pleasure of enduring.”

Thor nodded absently and sat down when the man did, appeased by his reassurances. “What is your name?”

“I go by many, as most mages do, but you can call me Nal. I know your brother, the younger prince. Or perhaps I should say knew...”

Of course Loki would know others who practiced magic. He must be miserable being away from them, what did Frost Giants know of magic? His father seemed to think Loki's birth mother was a witch of some sort, but Thor was more inclined to believe the giants used magical objects.

He had heard somewhere that there were few species who had much magic in their blood, and surely the Frost Giants would be further along in their society's development if they had mages?

Thor did not dare dwell on the use of past tense. His brother was not dead. Hopefully.

“Did my father send you?”

Nal shook his head. “That would cause a political scandal.”

“Of course.” Odin could hardly bypass official channels when dealing with another royal court. At least, he could not openly do so.

“Tell me. How did you end up in this mess?”

“My brother has been kept by the Frost Giants for months, I sought to rescue him.”

“I would like to think your brother schooled well enough in magic that he could escape.”

Thor sighed, “so people keep saying. My brother was always sickly, I worry that if they treat him poorly he would never have the energy for it.”

“Is he not theirs?”

“Mother and father claim he is, but I had never heard of it before.” Thor shook his head. “It is a rather odd secret to keep for so long. I wonder how Loki found out, father claims not to have told him.”

“You must have known him best of all, were there no signs that he was different?”

“Plenty,” Thor said, “but I did not question it. Nor did I question much of anything else. I had hoped to bring him back and make it all better, but I miscalculated.”

The meal continued in silence, the food was much simpler than in Asgard but better than what the Jotuns served in prison. Thor was busy pondering where he could be and how to get back home. What to do about his friends.

“I fear I must leave you alone for a little while. I must see to your friends,” Nal said apologetically, as if he had read Thor's mind. “There are beds on the upper floor.”

Thor thanked the old man profusely before Nal left through a magical portal.

The next morning, as Thor had just started his day, his three friends were brought through a portal just as he had been last night. The Warriors Three greeted him happily and while Hogun was naturally suspicious he seemed to have put it aside in favor of being glad for their release.

The old mage again offered food, saying they would need their strength. He even healed Fandral's wound.

“Where are we?” Hogun asked while they ate.

“Midgard,” Thor answered. It was the only realm where mortals lived. “Some mortal village.”

“Not far from home then,” Volstagg surmised happily.

“We have a bit of a journey ahead of us, even so,” Nal said. “You should take the opportunity to wash up.”

Once breakfast was eaten they took the old man's advice and cleaned up. Once done, they were led to a hatch in the floor which connected the house to a secret tunnel.

“I need you to keep your silence, the first part of the tunnel is safe, but we will pass through a large cavern before reaching a portal. There could be wild beasts there, if we are unlucky,” Nal explained.

The first tunnel was small enough that they barely fit inside, but like the old mage had explained they soon reached a grand hall. It seemed to be in a state of disrepair, but must have been a marvel once new. There were over-sized statues of naked females lining the rectangular room. Perhaps the mortals had used it as a place of worship once.

Nal led them into a wider tunnel and through a portal, urging all of them through before following himself.

The new space they found themselves in was pitch black.

“Where are we?” Thor asked as quietly as he could.

“Oh, this?” Nal snapped his fingers and bright light flooded the dark room. “ _This_ , little princeling, is a more secure prison than the one in Utgard.”

“Welcome!” Helblindi's voice rang out from behind them.

“Why would you betray us?” Fandral asked.

The old mage smirked at them. “Why?”

“Yes, _why_ ,” Thor demanded.

“Look at the coat of arms on the wall,” Nal urged.

Thor turned and saw it was the same that Nal had on his mage robes.

“You see, princeling?” Nal mocked. “You were never on Midgard, because you never left Jotunheim.”

Thor paled.

“We have do have humans here. Perhaps you never realized, but mortal beings are only banned from Asgard, not the other realms.”

Nal left with a nod to Helblindi.

Thor and his three friends moved closer together once the Frost Giants started to move closer to them.

“Did he say his name?” Hogun asked in a whisper.

“Nal,” Thor whispered back.

“No wonder, then,” Hogun spat.

Helblindi chuckled. “Ah, to be young and foolish. Did I not tell you that caught is caught?”

 

 


	8. Bail Out

Odin detested going anywhere in either of the other eight realms on such an errand, but he positively loathed going to Jotunheim. He disliked that Laufey had the upper hand. The giants had been attacked and legally speaking were in the right to act as they saw fit.

Frigga had insisted on going with him, but what good she could accomplish he had no idea. It was not even an hour after Thor had left, and already they had a problem.

The King and Queen of the frozen realm were on their thrones when a Jotun guard led them to an underground hall. If he had not been in such a dark mood he would have taken a chance to admire the architecture. Frost Giants were excellent builders when they put their minds to it.

“I have come to demand the release of my son.”

“He aimed to kill my youngest,” the Jotun Queen said in clear disgust. “We should skin him and keep him as a rug.” To his amazement she plucked Mjolnir up from where it was on the floor between the thrones. It seemed light in her hands. “You see, Allfather, while you refer to us as savages, we have laws here. We also have a treaty with Asgard, as I am sure you remember. Thor has violated both. I am well within my rights to hold him imprisoned. In fact, according to the treaty I could even have him killed and there is not a thing you could do to stop me.”

“Your boy will learn a lesson,” Laufey cut in. It was the first the old Jotun King had spoken. “It would be about time he thought of something other than himself.”

“He came to rescue his brother -” Odin objected.

“No,” Loki suddenly cut in from behind him. Odin recognized him easily even in Jotun skin, though he looked badly roughed up. Frigga reached for him, but he evaded her. “No, he did not. He came and he started killing. I was _there_ , I was right there, and all he saw was another Frost Giant.”

Odin frowned at that. “Then perhaps you should have shifted back.”

Loki growled, but stopped himself from arguing when the Jotun Queen gestured for him to come to her. It clearly bothered Frigga that he so willingly allowed the other woman to tend to him.

“Thor is in prison because Loki put him there,” Laufey said tersely. “He will release him when he sees fit. If that does not happen until Ragnarök is upon us, then so be it.”

“I will not leave without my sons,” Frigga said. “Preferably both, but if Loki wishes to stay I will respect that.”

“Plenty of space in that cell, Vanir,” Laufey pointed out with an evil glint to his red eyes. “Well... not really, but certainly enough for a woman.”

“Do not think I will not bring an army, Laufey,” Odin warned.

“You barely look well enough to stand, let alone lead an army,” Laufey mocked. “But I understand what it is like to have a child taken, so I will make you a promise. If Thor sees the error of his ways before Loki sees fit to release him, I will have him delivered to you.”

Odin turned to his youngest son, the Jotun Queen was healing a wound by his temple. “Loki -”

Loki hissed wordlessly in anger. “What if I had brought a handful of Frost Giants into Asgard to save Thor from you? Would you have left them alive to rot in jail? We are doing you a favor by not executing them.”

“So it is 'we' now?” Odin asked curiously. He had figured Loki would prefer to stay. A trained mage could very well have gotten away, especially after so many months. Jotunheim had more portals than the one they had sealed.

“I might not have been thinking about what I was doing when I left with them, but the reason I have stayed is not because they have kept me prisoner. I like it here.”

“You can always come home,” Frigga urged. “And you should have written, at least. We worried for you.”

Odin sighed. “We would take you back, Loki, you are a part of our family.”

“About that,” Farbauti all but snarled, “you sniveling little worm, you will answer to how you have treated my son. Had we found him on Jotunheim, in the shape he was in, I would have slaughtered every last member of that clan. You knew the boy was of our race, so why was not he even fed properly?”

“There is only so many foods he will eat and most of them are mostly made up of water,” Frigga said in confusion.

“He is always been fussy,” Odin said in agreement.

“Fussy?” Laufey scoffed. “He eats anything you give him.” He turned to Loki with a confused look on his face. “Or is that just here?”

Loki frowned as he thought. “I think so. There is nothing I have eaten here that makes me want to vomit just by smelling it.”

“Despite being born by Bestla you will argue you know nothing of our biological differences?” Farbauti asked Odin.

Odin raised an eyebrow. “I know enough.”

“So why was he half-starved, then?” Laufey asked, tone more nonchalant than his wife, but his eyes were far from neutral. “You claim him to be part of your family, so why would you not notice and take action? Aesir are not considered full adults at his age, so please enlighten me. He was so thin most half-grown children were wider.”

“We do not force our children to eat,” Odin countered irritably. “If they refuse to eat we let them get hungry enough that they will get over themselves.”

“So, if Thor drops in weight during his stay here, that is fine by you? I have been told Aesir find our food unpalatable. But, perhaps he is just fussy?” Laufey mocked.

The Frost Giant guards chuckled.

Farbauti shook her long hair over her shoulders and went to sit on her throne. The style she wore it in reminded him more of the Dark Elves. She was pretty for a giant, but he had never liked their looks. He watched Loki perch on the armrest of Laufey's throne. Odin himself had spent an awful lot of time chasing Loki away, and asking Thor to keep his brother away, so he would not cling so much, especially during audiences. His expectation that Laufey would tell the boy off seemed unfounded, Laufey was unfazed by having the boy next to him.

“Most foods you serve in Asgard are prepared in ways that makes us sick if we eat them. We are very similar, we both eat meat and vegetables, but our tolerance for hot food is very low. At best you would call our food lukewarm. Some of the spices you use are mildly toxic to us – and likewise some that we favor would cause an Aesir to become violently ill. The biggest difference is that our digestive system matures slow, our children need to nurse for longer.” Farbauti lectured.

Loki and Laufey were talking in hushed voices. At some point while Farbauti had talked Laufey had pulled Loki into his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

“So, do tell me,” Farbauti said, “why I should not consider my sons treatment at your hands as neglect at best and abuse at worst?”

“If you are thinking of pressuring me into -”

“Does family mean so little to you?” Farbauti interjected.

“I am not here because my children are unimportant to me,” Frigga said.

“I might even believe you,” Farbauti said, “However, your husband is another story. He is of mixed blood.”

“So what do you suggest, woman?” Odin asked. He knew they wanted the Casket back, and not pressuring him for it suggested that they had a plan.

“We will show you how to keep Loki healthy. Come at dusk tomorrow and then for as many nights as it takes.”

Odin looked to Frigga, because after all, Loki had made his choice. “Frigga will. I have no time for this.”

Loki muttered something Odin could not quite hear, but Farbauti and Laufey clearly had. Laufey chuckled darkly. “Go back to your realm then, Allfather, and stay there. Set foot here again and I will kill you. Your wife is welcome as long as she behaves. Once Thor is released he will be banned as well.”

Odin would have argued about being told what to do, but the guards all turned to face him and he really was in no shape to fight that day.

“Loki, darling, is your brother alright?” Frigga asked.

“Which one?” Loki asked, somewhat cheekily. “Byleist? He is scared half to death. Some brute Aesir nearly struck him with a hammer. Seeing as everything is about Thor, though... yes, he is fine.”

“This is actually about you,” Frigga said. “Thor worried himself sick. I cannot say I did much to stop him, because I worried for you too.”

Loki sighed. “Come back tomorrow.”

Frigga nodded.

“Vanir,” Farbauti said as they turned to leave. “I am not known for giving second chances, so do not treat this lightly.”

Odin saw the cruel smirk on the woman's face. She had been little more than a girl during the war, but she had killed more than most of the Frost Giants put together.

Laufey worried him more to be honest, his interest in the boy just could not be healthy.

 

 


	9. Of Women And Their Schemes

Loki woke up early from a bad dream. He had barely started pacing before Laufey was up too.

“You need to sleep, kitten.”

Loki shook his head. It felt odd to have his hair unbraided now. His head felt too light.

“Come on,” Laufey said. He started walking outside and Loki followed.

It was a bright day.

“I always make a mess of everything,” Loki said. “You should just throw me back and be done with it.”

Laufey pinched his ear. “You are _mine_ , I am _not_ throwing you out, and this mess is _not_ of your doing.”

“Still my fault.” Everything was, at least on Asgard. Loki nearly stopped breathing when he realized what the punishment might have been if the roles really had been reversed. He flinched when he was pulled into a hug.

“None of this is your fault,” Laufey shushed.

“Why would it be anyone else's fault when I am the monster -”

“Is that how you see us?”

Loki stayed silent.

“Do you want to leave?” Laufey asked quietly.

He thought about going back to Asgard a lot, but it all came down to the little things that became huge complications. He had be alone and despised, again. The food would not agree with him, again. It was too hot.

As long as he stayed on Jotunheim he ate and slept enough. There were those who argued he should not be allowed to be an heir to the throne, but even they never argued he should be sent back to Asgard. Loki had been wary of the clan leaders and army officers who he knew distrusted him, but they all treated him with polite disinterest even if he was alone with them. They did not want him to rule, but it was not personal.

If it had been reversed, if Jotunheim had raised an Aesir prince, he knew for a fact Asgard would have argued to throw the _thing_ back from where it came.

Loki was still a child of the frozen realm, still welcomed back.

“No.”

“Would you want to leave if they knew how to feed and care for you?”

Loki laughed, a brittle thing that sounded broken even to his own ears. “I know you are not naive enough to believe they care.”

“If I had to choose another family for you I would rather leave you with a pack of starving wolves than with Odin, but if you want to go, if you would be happy, I _will_ beat some sense into that poorly bred bastard.”

“What if I wanted to live somewhere else? What if I would rather stay out of all of this?”

“Would that make you happy, or are you merely afraid and want to run?”

Loki closed his eyes and sighed. “I wish I knew.”

“How about a visit, then, to make up your mind? Your mother agreed to teach Frigga.”

It scared him, but Loki nodded anyway. He wanted to see Asgard again. One last time.

 

* * *

 

He watched Farbauti fix her hair. Her fingers were nimble and quick. He was more used to seeing giants be nimble and not just big brutes, but sometimes it still boggled his mind a little to see them be gentle or watch them handle delicate items with ease.

“Will you release Thor?” Farbauti moved on to his hair when she finished with her own. He did not object. It was nice to have someone fuss over him.

“I have asked him twice if he will apologize, until he does... no. I love him, he is still my brother, but I want him to think for once. It is all so frustrating sometimes.”

“Siblings can be like that,” she laughed softly.

“Sometimes I feel like I will never be my own person. I will always be Thor's shadow or a missing child.”

She hummed in agreement. “Some are content to stay in the shadows. If you are not you need to set yourself apart.” Farbauti hugged him before she went to wake Byleist up.

Loki did not even flinch at the ice sphere's shattering noise anymore, but he went to sit closer to Helblindi. He had liked Helblindi from the start and he liked him even more now that he knew him better.

Helblindi was calm and compared to Laufey and Farbauti he was prone to avoid arguments and fights. He still had inherited Laufey's temper, but it was not as pronounced.

“What is buzzing in that head of yours?” Helblindi asked.

“Everything.”

“You should set Thor free during the coronation,” he snickered.

Loki rolled his eyes and leaned into the larger bulk of his half-brother. “Maybe.”

“Loki, come,” Farbauti ordered.

He nodded and followed her to where the Bifrost had last touched down. Farbauti shouted for Heimdall and told him to take them to the Queen of Asgard.

Loki was surprised when he saw the rainbow shimmer and felt the pull of the Bifrost, but Farbauti was calm and collected. They walked to Asgard's palace alone to seek Frigga out for the first lesson she had agreed to. Heimdall did not insist on guards to escort them. He had not remembered the heat to be quite so bad, nor the light so harsh. Indoors was not much better.

While Frigga was surprised she was nevertheless happy to see Loki. Or, she played at it, at least. He liked Farbauti's honest affection more. She never placed conditions on her love the way Frigga often did.

“Are you alright?” Frigga asked when he fiddled because of the heat.

“The temperatures here does not agree with us,” Farbauti answered for Loki. “Nor does the dry air. I wanted you to see it.”

“Why?”

“You think he can come and live here again, like he did before.”

Frigga nodded.

“The magic that changes his skin into pink and his eyes to green does nothing to change his species.” Farbauti cast a spell that made the room cooler. “Comfortable?” she asked Frigga.

“A bit too cold for me.”

Loki, though, felt infinitely better.

“To us, this is warm, but a pleasant warmth. If you want Loki to thrive you would need to keep at least one room cooled for him to sleep in. We can make do for a few days or weeks, but eventually the heat starts wearing on us.”

Frigga was a good host and showed Farbauti around, even with the thinly veiled dislike between them. If seeing Laufey in human guise was odd, it had nothing on seeing Farbauti shift shape into the same. She looked like Loki's sister, or twin, and he wondered if it was on purpose or if they truly were that similar.

While they walked the halls of the royal castle people stopped to watch them.

Loki stayed close to Farbauti without really thinking too closely on why at first, then after a while realizing he genuinely preferred her company. She represented safety, and it calmed him down.

Because Asgard felt foreign.

It startled him a bit to realize that this was not home any more, and it made him feel guilty that he had not stayed loyal to the people who had raised him.

Loki had passed through the room they were now in several times without much thought, simply knowing that it held artifacts from Svartalfheim. Farbauti stopped and looked curiously at the armors and weapons on display. Nothing was functional any more, but they gave a good idea on how the Dark Elves had dressed their army.

“It is a pity,” she said softly.

“Why?” Frigga asked.

“The greatest civilization in the whole of Yggdrasil, and all you bother to keep are trinkets from the army.” Farbauti indicated a device on a pillar, a small sign stating it was an unknown weapon. “This is not a weapon, in case you were curious. It is used for communication.”

“How would you know this?” Frigga asked.

Loki looked closer. “Wait, do we not have those?”

“Mm. Yes, we have a version of them.” Farbauti indicated areas on the device without touching it. “You activate it by holding it here and pushing magic into it, or by using a lock gem in case you lack active magic. The range is about that of a solar system.”

Frigga smiled slightly. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to the realms if we had all coexisted more peacefully.”

Farbauti showed her dull human teeth when she smiled, it was a threat on Jotunheim. “We had peace once, Vanir. A thriving peace, lasting eons. It came to an end when the Aesir rebelled against Malekith. It was also Malekith who gave Laufey's mother the Casket of Ancient Winters.”

“Why did they wear masks?” Loki asked.

“Bright light blinds anyone used to dwelling in the dark,” Farbauti readily answered. “These are actually improvised, produced quickly when Asgard exploited the weakness in battle.”

“It is funny... I cannot recall reading about why Asgard started the war. I just assumed as a child that it was because the Dark Elves were evil,” Loki said, but stopped himself before he could add on that he had assumed the same of the Frost Giants.

“Taxes,” Farbauti answered.

“Taxes?”

“All must pay taxes to the supreme rulers,” Farbauti smoothed the thin dress she had conjured as to not offend Asgard's morals. “Alfheim and Vanaheim pay taxes to Asgard. Those of us who refuse are kept isolated and Asgard prevent us from having any powerful weapons.”

Frigga had her polite smile on, a game face Loki recognized from all the time he had spent on Asgard. It felt so far away, so long ago, but not even a full year had passed. He felt guilt creep up on him, Asgard was supposed to be his home, Frigga was his mother -

\- but at the same time she _was not_ , and Asgard felt like an overheated and _hostile_ place. The guards lining the halls sneered when they saw him and he was sure the commoners and nobles would be even less controlled in their reactions.

“Proving yourselves less hostile would go a long way to assure us,” Frigga said evenly.

“Perhaps it is time we left,” Loki suggested. He was not really worried about a conflict, but he wanted to go back home.

Frigga looked relieved when Farbauti hummed in agreement. She walked up to Loki and hugged him before she stepped back, never showing her back to Farbauti, wishing them a safe journey.

 

* * *

 

“This is almost as good as sex,” Loki said when he was back on Jotunheim. Back in his blue skin. He picked up some snow and toyed with it in his hands, enjoying the way his skin cooled after the warmth on Asgard.

His mother just laughed. “I feel sorry for you then,” she joked.

“I feel like a horrible person,” he confessed. “I should want to go back, but I do not. Sometimes I think she is the only one who likes me, but that is not true. I just cannot force myself to leave. I like it here. I have since I first sat foot here. But I feel like I should want to go back. Like I am betraying Asgard. Then, I feel like I am betraying you for not just accepting everything and not wanting to stay here without doubts.”

“It is a complicated mess,” she agreed. “Unfortunately there will never be an easy choice, not after so long.”

Loki sighed. “I will never fit anywhere. I am an oddball on two realms.”

“Did you not complain just a little while ago that you did not stand out enough?”

Loki just growled.

“Puberty.”

“I honestly thought I was out of puberty.”

She rubbed his back and patted his shoulder. “Soon. Let us see if the others are in the spring yet.”

Swimming was a frequent activity that usually happened before going to bed. It was partly to wash off dirt, partly for exercise and partly because it was a good time to bond with family. There were plenty of hot springs with liquid water that most the caves were built close by. Loki had been told sternly to always check the temperature before going in, as some were _hot_ while others were just above freezing.

Loki and Farbauti were just in time to join the rest of the family.

Byleist tackled Loki and pushed him under the water's surface. Helblindi decided to join in and together they managed to keep him under until he breathed water. They wrestled underwater for a while before Helblindi cut it short and dragged them both up until their heads were above water.

Something was wrong, they knew as soon they saw blood and even if they had not then they would have when Farbauti whimpered in pain.

Helblindi was already out of the water and had ran off somewhere.

“Loki, take your brother and go,” Laufey ordered.

“What is wrong, father?” Byleist asked the question Loki was curious about as well.

“Go!”

Loki wanted to stay, but he nevertheless took Byleist by the hand and led him away. They saw Helblindi return with a healer while they left.

“I am scared,” Byleist said softly when they settled down in the nest.

“The healer will probably take care of it,” Loki said in an effort to lighten the mood.

Helblindi came to sit with them soon after Loki had finished the sentence. “She miscarried,” he said in a somber voice.

“She was pregnant?” Loki asked. She certainly had not seemed pregnant.

Helblindi nodded. “More than I knew, but with her it is hard to tell sometimes. Her body hides it well. When she went into labor with you she swore it was just stomach pain at first.”

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, but was more likely a lot less, before the Healer came with a tiny bundle. She crouched down and held out the bundle as if in offering. “One of you will have to take care of her for a little bit. Your father is using magic to heal your mother.”

Helblindi made no move to touch it, so Loki reached out for the bundle, checking the miniature baby it contained over. It lived and breathed evenly, but seemed weak.

“I do not expect her to live,” the healer stressed. “If she does there may be complications. Usually the brain, lungs and eyes suffer. It could also be that she will grow up with no problems.”

Loki nodded.

Laufey came to them much later carrying Farbauti. She looked too pale to be healthy. Byleist snuggled up to her as soon as Laufey had placed her in the middle of the nest, while Helblindi went to comfort Laufey.

The healer made herself comfortable in a corner of the room.

The baby breathed in and out rhythmically, occasionally a limb twitched, but otherwise it was staying still as if in sleep. Loki kept a hold of the little girl.

“Show me,” Laufey said. He had laid down on his side next to Farbauti with Helblindi behind him.

Loki rose and walked the few steps over before sitting down again close by and placing the baby gently on Farbauti.

“Still bigger than you,” Laufey hummed, lightly touching the baby. He checked her over like he knew what to look for.

“How is mother?”

“Not good, but she will get better. It is not natural, this,” Laufey said quietly while he pulled Loki until he was squeezed between his parents, the space was only barely large enough.

The steady breathing around him made Loki relax a little. Laufey moved the baby to rest on top of Loki instead of Farbauti.

 

* * *

 

He slept for less than he normally did. As soon as Laufey rose Loki found it impossible to sleep, as if everything was more perilous if Laufey was not there.

More healers came to see to both mother and child. They handed the little girl to Loki while they helped Laufey heal Farbauti more, but the one who seemed more experienced with the problem was the old King himself.

Loki overheard them say that Farbauti had lost too much blood to be allowed to nurse for days, if not weeks. She barely moved at all, just slept, much like the little girl. Byleist would not suffer from not nursing, but a baby needed regular feedings.

One of the Healer's apprentices handed Loki a potion. “Either drink it or have a healthy woman drink it. It will make the milk flow.”

Loki did not need to do the maths involved – _Laufey was busy using his magic to heal his wife, Helblindi would likely take the throne alone until Farbauti was better, Byleist was too young, summoning a girl who would want to nurse another's child for a short period of time would be a hassle no one had the time for_ – he just drank the potion. It would be less hazardous to his health than living in Asgard anyway. Besides, women nursed all the time, how bad could it be?

He pointedly did not think about that the trip they had taken to see Frigga might have triggered the miscarriage. That Frigga might have done something out of spite since Thor was still imprisoned.

That it was all Loki's fault.

It took a few hours for the potion to work and it was horribly uncomfortable. His chest puffed up a little and the entire area felt swollen and sensitive. Bruised almost. He tried to just put it out of his mind and focused on the weak baby.

A healer talked him through how it would work and helped him hold the baby correctly against his chest while it tried to latch on. That was not a nice experience for either of them.

 

* * *

 

He spent the first nights staying close to Laufey and Farbauti, away from prying eyes. Nursing the baby became much easier over time, but the sheer amount of times she needed to nurse made him do little except nursing, eating and sleeping.

By the third night Laufey and the healers had gotten Farbauti improved enough that she could hold her daughter for a short while. She was groggy, but happy the child had survived. Once his mother was asleep again Loki took the little girl and went to tell Helblindi the good news.

The girl whined while he walked and he started feeding her. He steeled himself for the scorn he would get for publicly nursing a child before he entered the throne room and went to stand by Helblindi until his older brother could spare a minute. Whatever matter had been discussed eventually came to an end and Loki touched Helblindi's shoulder to get his attention. “Mother woke, she is getting better.”

Helblindi smiled in relief. “Good. How is our sister?”

“She is eating at least,” Loki said. He honestly knew very little about babies and if it had not been for Laufey telling him how well he was doing Loki would have been sure he was horrible. The baby screamed a lot.

The guards, Raze in particular were hurrying to place fur pelts on the second throne. Raze then waved a hand to urge Loki to sit. He did, nursing made him sleepy for some reason.

He did not care enough to pay attention to whatever it was Helblindi dealt with. He did notice Raze calling in two more guards.

Time was not up yet, but as soon as the throne room was empty, save for the guards, Helblindi called the session to an end. Raze walked Loki back.

“Never thought you would be the one to nurse,” Raze said. “Aesir are so sensitive about men doing women's jobs.”

“I feel responsible. I wanted to go, and... I just feel like I never do anything. I used to at least have chores,” Loki blurted out without really meaning to.

“Children do not work on Jotunheim,” Raze said, “they are allowed to try if they want to. Your mother wanted to, that is why she started early. Most of us start when we are adults. Father never pushed for me to start any kind of work.”

“That matters very little, though. I am used to being busy.”

Raze rubbed a hand between his shoulder blades, the kind of easy affection most of the natives never even thought twice about doing. “Tell your mother and father you want to work.”

 

 


	10. All Hail The Queen

On the early evening the day of the coronation Laufey and Farbauti stood on a raised dais made of ice. They looked tired and Farbauti was still horribly pale, but they both stood tall and proud. The clan leaders and nobles were gathered closest around them. Further away were the commoners – a veritable ocean of people as far as the eye could see. Loki had never known how many inhabited the realm, but he had been told this morning that there were less people people than expected due a lot of the clans having young children to care for.

There was absolute silence, not even the wind howled on the open plain.

Loki stood just below the dais, in an empty space protected by guards. Beside him, Thor looked on with a grim expression. He was bound with a spell, but without his hammer Loki doubted he would get into trouble. He certainly hoped there would be no trouble, as he was holding his baby sister close to his chest and needed to keep her safe.

An elderly giant started a soft chanting, using song when telling the story of the girl turned woman turned queen. Farbauti was given a round orb by the elderly giant, it looked like a scale model of Jotunheim. An elderly Dark Elf approached and gave her a similar orb – this time a model of Svartalfheim.

The ships the Dark Elves had built uncloaked all at once when she had both orbs in her hands, scaring most of the people present. The Dark Elf bowed low.

“The High Queen,” the elderly giant called out to the crowd. The crowd cheered loudly, even though they seemed uncertain about what it all meant.

“High Queen?” Thor whispered to himself.

Loki dragged him to a more central spot while the crowd was focusing on other things. He went to stand in front of Thor, they were just below the dais. He shifted to his Aesir shape.

“Loki?”

It gave him no real pleasure to finally reveal his identity to Thor. It was not his place to speak, so he stayed silent. Farbauti had stepped closer to them, drawing the attention to the two. She had made the orbs float, one over each shoulder. “You will be banned, Thor son of Odin,” she declared.

“What of our friends, Loki?” Thor asked.

Loki silently shifted back to his real shape.

Thor looked from him to Farbauti.

“Ah yes, the other prisoners,” she gloated. “Bring the men,” she ordered a guard. Laufey silently walked up to stand by her side. He beckoned Loki to join him, and Loki did with no hesitation. Helblindi and Byleist came forward as well, standing with their parents.

The wait was short. The guards who brought the three Aesir forward manhandled them into bowing low. The crowd muttered among themselves. A guard barked at Thor to bow.

“I am the crown prince of Asgard; I will not bow to creatures like you,” he defiantly said when Farbauti looked expectantly at him. “I came to save my brother from you. Loki, come home with me -”

“I am home,” Loki said a touch bitterly. “Were you not paying attention? I am a monster, I always have been. The Allfather simply hid it under a spell to make me look like an Aesir. So he would never have to look at me and see my true species. The Loki you know does not even exist.”

A wave of his hand released the binding spell on Thor, who was at a loss for words.

“The Allfather slays all who enter Asgard,” Farbauti said, deceptively soft. “We have lost a lot of curious children to the Einherjar's spears and swords. You have trespassed into my realm. This will be your lesson, Thor of Asgard.”

The guards produced sharp blades made from ice, and in a swift motion blood flowed as three heads fell to the ground.

“My son wished for you to be spared. Go now, while I still allow you to live,” Farbauti told Thor. “I will not give you a second chance today.”

Thor left, but not before trying and failing to summon Mjolnir.

Loki eyed the dead warriors. He felt a pang of regret, but he could not fault the reasoning behind it. Farbauti would never bow to Asgard, and if the reverse had happened the retribution would have been harsher still.

 

* * *

 

The celebration after the coronation was long and merry, but Loki sought out a quiet corner. He had seen his fill of feasts on Asgard and they were never much fun if one was not an avid drinker. The drinks here were ridiculously strong.

Loki and Helblindi were talking when Raze and Grundroth came in.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Raze said, “but two of the captains are retards and they will not listen to us.”

Helblindi kissed Loki on the mouth. “I will see you soon.”

Loki shook his head. “Careful, giving me your leash like that,” he said neutrally.

“Forget that he is mostly Aesir, he is your _brother_.” Raze sighed.

Helblindi ignored the guard.

“Blasted royals,” Raze muttered, “it may not be illegal, that does not make it right.”

“It does not make it wrong either,” Helblindi said before the three were too far away to hear properly.

Loki walked through the large room where food was set out and picked out a few things on his way out. He walked to where the temple had stood before the war. Its ruin was lit with a million little lights.

He swallowed the last of the food and walked closer to the lone figure standing on the clear ice. Farbauti looked up and met his eyes with a sad smile. He stopped before his feet touched the clear ice.

“You know it was likely Frigga that -”

Farbauti hushed him with a wave.

“I should have -”

Again she hushed him. “You are _not_ responsible.”

Loki shifted his weight a little. “Sometimes all I want is to go home.”

She looked away, and it hurt him more than anything she could have said. Thankfully the silence was short. “Did you lie? When you first came here? You said she was a good mother to you, and yet she has no interest in truly caring for you. Or Thor. There are only polite words and empty smiles, but she cares for neither of you.”

“Frigga plays a game where she plays the part of a good mother and a good wife. Court life is different in Asgard. Everything is a game. Pretend play. A facade. I miss knowing everything inside out. I knew that game, I knew what to say and how to act. Here I stumble in darkness.” Loki scuffed his bare feet in the snow. It was soft and a little wet closest to the ground where it was warm. “And yet, if I did go, I would never be able to return. If they even let me come back.”

“Is that why you stay, Loki?”

“Perhaps at first, but not now, no. I stay because the one thing you have all done and keep doing that truly hurts is love me without placing conditions on it. And it does hurt,” Loki swallowed around the tightness in his throat. “If you and Laufey had been horrible parents then at least I would never have had to own up to the fact that my second parents have been awful. I could have pretended I was better off being taken.”

“I will not apologize for loving you,” she said softly.

“You are Queen now, you should apologize for nothing.”

“That is not how it works,” she said with a small smile, eyes on the bodies encased in the ice. “I have plenty of apologies to make and wrongs to make right.”

Cautiously, as if the dead might rise and eat him, Loki stepped onto the ice and walked the last of the distance to stand by her side. He had barely stopped walking before she hugged him tight.

It would never be golden halls or gossiping nobles, but the monsters loved him.

“The puppet Queen of Asgard would never risk hurting me,” she whispered. “She knows what kind of retaliation I would bring to her realm. The Bifrost is what caused me to miscarry. I never would have used it if I had realized I was pregnant before we went.”

She stroked his hair.

“But -”

“It would be very convenient to blame her,” Farbauti said. “That does not make it truth, though I will not scream it from the mountain tops. She might not have taken you, but she surely did nothing to return you.”

“Frigga once told me that there is always three sides to the truth. Yours, mine and what actually happened.”

“That sounds wise, especially coming from a day-dweller.”

Loki scoffed.

“Ragnarok will come.”

“You are asking me to choose a side, then?”

She hugged him tighter. “You already did.”

 

 


End file.
